Wednesday, July 29, 2026
What to do when a terrible person dies
I remember a student telling me his father had just died. Having just lost my own dad, I was a little stricken. I said (of course) "I'm so sorry."
The student said "Don't be. He was a terrible person."
I didn't know quite what to say after that, but I have thought of it often. When someone we know (or a public figure) dies and the bad outweighed the good in their life, what should we say?
My default has been to say nothing. I don't want to lie and say good things about the person. I also don't want to pick that particular moment for "truth-telling" that could be done at another time. My silence isn't dishonest; it is strategic.
What about you?
[I would like to note that in the AI-generated picture of Clippy's funeral, the headstone includes the quote "It looks like you are attending a funeral. Would you like some help?"]
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In the South we say Thoughts and Prayers
To the grieving it can appear that we are caring; polite. To our close friends it might mean I thought the person was a real bastard and pray you don't know how I really feel.
Just slightly better than "Bless his/her/their heart". Context matters.
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To the grieving it can appear that we are caring; polite. To our close friends it might mean I thought the person was a real bastard and pray you don't know how I really feel.
Just slightly better than "Bless his/her/their heart". Context matters.
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