Monday, November 21, 2011

 

Our winner: OsoGrande!


Despite my confusion as to the days of the week and a fairly limited topic, there were some great haikus last week! Here, though, is our winner, from OsoGrande:

No one hits a tree.
Until he does, and then he
is just cartoonish.

What I love is the essential truth of it-- that skiing accidents are just cartoonish at the same time that they are terrifying and dangerous. That's why people loved the start of the "Wide World of Sports"-- there is something about that ski wipeout that just is funny and awful all at once.

Herewith, a bio of OsoGrande:

OsoGrande was born on July 21, 1846 in Vernon, Texas, and was raised in what was then called Sam Antonio (named after its founder, Sam Antonio). After graduating from high school, he attended Washington and Lee University (where his instructors included Robert E. Lee) and Brown Normal School (which later became Brown "University"). He then received a law degree from Duke University, Immediately after law school, he was named to the Court of Appeals for the Northwest Territories, a job he left after an unfortunate bear attack/financial reversal. Unbeknownst to him, the bear which attacked him was radioactive, and transferred certain powers to him in the course of the assault. For example, after the attack, he found that he could survive on two hours of sleep a night, and locate edible berries and salmon with ease.

Returning to Washington, D.C. from the Territories, Oso received a position as Solicitor General. At that time, the job involved selling American products door-to-door in other countries, and he tackled the task with gusto. Soon, American blackpowder, horseshoes, berries, ambergris, salmon, and chaps were the toast of Europe, and the American economy flourished.

After leaving that post, Oso was a partner at the law firm of Kirkland and Ellis for 117 years, until taking a position at Baylor. While there, he has revitalized morale, secretly coached the football team to several unexpected victories while wearing the disguise of long sleeves, and improved the dining options at Brooks College.

Huzzahs, OsoGrande!

Comments:
I miss Jim MacKay and Wide World of Sports
 
IPLG, that intro reminds me of that time we went skiing in Tahoe.
 
Are we going this year? Wyoming? New Mexico?
 
Well, we can't go back to Utah with that warrant outstanding. I still don't think they can prove that you did that intentionally.
 
Yeah, who knew that was a felony!
 
Well, frankly, I did, but you didn't ask me first, did you? And of course the rental car was in MY name...
 
I actually like the intro because of the guy in the unitard at the end.
 
I am humbled, by both the selection and the bio.

Never did I dream that I might be a "winner" in the Wide World of Haiku.

I did, however, dream that a coach with long sleeves might lead his team to victory over the Land Thieves, with the aid of his insanely gifted QB.
 
Yeah, that QB is pretty good.
 
'Grats!
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

#