Osler's Razor

I initially contacted a local agency claiming to specialize in bachelor parties. When I told them the event was for a pretentious writer, turned blogger, turned lawyer, turned writer, turned husband; they recommended the avant-gard package.

It sounded perfect until I discovered it wasn’t so much avant-gard as it was bestiality but we’ll get em next time.

More importantly, use your time at the altar wisely. There is a time and a place for everything and if your nuptials don’t sound vaguely similar to a law school commencement speech, well, I’ll be more than disappointed.

Congrats on the marriage. If you ever get a job, the tax / insurance benefits will be terrific.
 

Marriage, so much hope--
In five years, what do you find?
Doilies on the couch.
 

Hey, now. Bestiality isn't so bad, as long as you make sure it's one of those high-class outfits that use javelinas instead of lesser hooved ungulates.

BID. The cheap option is to spike the coke machine in Collins with everclear and see what happens from there.
 

I went out of my way to look up "javelinas" and strongly recommend nobody does the same.

The creature looks like an Anti-Drug commercial for pigs, really:

"Roll around in too much excrement and you'll start looking like this guy." [Holds up a picture of a javelina]

But the Collins idea, besides being morally reprehensible, has some promise.