Osler's Razor

In a fascinating and horrible set of remarks, Maine Governor Paul LePage (already known for general classiness) explained his theory about crime in his state:

"These are guys with the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty, these types of guys, they come from Connecticut and New York, they come up here, they sell their heroin, they go back home," the 67-year old governor told the audience. "Incidentally, half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue we have to deal with down the road."

There is, of course, a lot wrong here, including the racism. What jumped out at me though, was his idea that there might be heroin dealers named "Smoothie" and "Shifty."  In criminal law, we deal with a lot of nicknames. "D-Money" is plausible. No one, though, would take the name "Smoothie" or "Shifty."

So, what would you want to have Gov. LaPage call you?

We can haiku about that this week. Here, I'll go first:

Maine Guv'nor calls me
"Franklin the Cairn Terrier."
From Connecticut!

Now it is your turn!  Just make it 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables and have some fun!