Osler's Razor

Here, I will demonstrate the proper form for asking a question:

Dear IPLawGuy,

Isn't using the name "Mariners" a violation of the Mrs. Paul's fish stick company's trade name?

Love,
Mark
 

Dear Mark,

No. Until 1977, when Major League Baseball re-expanded into Seattle (partially to settle a slip and fall accident claim), Mrs. Paul Fish Stix were known as "Pilots." The Paul concerns were required to change the name to "Mariners" as part of a complex co-branding agreement with MLB.

IPLawguy
 

Dear APLawGuy,

There was really a dearth of lute-based lo-fi rock from about '82 to '89, wasn't there? Can you recommend any good hard-lutin' bands from that era I might have missed?

(Please make 30% of your recommendations Canadian.)
 

Dear IPLawGuy,

How did your experience as a trademark attorney help in your prosecution of Christ (a deduction based on the photo above) Do you feel he may have ripped off some of his stories, or otherwise taken advantage of images or trademarks that did not belong to him?

And, were there any American movies about college that help prepare you for this role, and specifically co-staring with Mark Osler?
 

Dear I.P. Lawguy,

Your skin is always so moist and supple. Would it be possible for your to reveal what skincare regime you favor? Who is your favorite rockabilly band and why in particular do you always drive with the phonograph on your lap?
 

Dear IPLawGuy,

Is it really necessary to have umpire in baseball? It seems they are always getting it wrong.

Batter up,

A loyal Rays fan
 

Dear IPLawGuy,

I got a tattoo around my belly button of a wild stallion's behind and the name Geoffrey underneath it. If I don't want any other floozy to get the same tattoo,do I need a patent? Or a trademark or what? What is a trademark? Are you single? Sally
 

What would you recommend to someone who is yearning to play the zither?
 

How do you feel about cats? Do you love cats? Do you love every kind of cat? What are the copyright implications of hugging every cat? And what is a zither?
 

Dear IPLawguy,
I would like to know more about Czech native costumes after having lost their Slovak accessories.
Love (yeah people, what happened to the “love” in your signatures!)
Marta
PS Sally, I have to say I’m a little confused, not by branding yourself with Geoffrey’s ass and rightfully wanting to claim intellectual property for such a brilliant idea, but by omitting sucks?!?
 

Anon 7:59,

Little known fact, former NCAA basketball coach Lute Olsen was the bass player in the band Edison Lighthouse in the 60's.
 

David,

Of course being a trademark lawyer helped! Let's face it, Christ was as derivative as Led Zeppelin if not Johnny Rivers. He ripped on John The Baptist (there's a new book out on this), Elijah, Jacob, etc.

Mark has never been in any movies, but the model for my college days was "Animal House," which was released a week before I started college in 1978. Still the Best. Movie. Ever.
 

Brigitte the Brunette Bombshell,

You and I need to talk privately!

Skincare regimen... I use soap collected from hotels on business trips and stay out in the sun without sun screen.

My favorite rockabilly band is Johnny Burnette and the the Rock & Roll Trio. From the 80's revival I like Austin's own LeRoi Brothers and Washington D.C.'s Switchblade.

--And that's NOT a phonograph arm.. or a banana

 

Anon 11:29,

The Rays are in first place. Quit your carping.

Yes, umpires are needed to maintain order, but calling balls and strikes would seem to be something a computer could do.

Even so, the human element makes it more interesting.

Signed,

Don Denkinger
 

Sally,

The tattoo around your belly button of a wild stallion's behind and the name Geoffrey underneath it MIGHT be protectable under Copyright Law if it was original art. However, it probably belongs to the artist, not you. We'd have to look at the agreement you signed at the parlor.

If you are using the image to promote the sale of goods or services, then it could be a trademark.

A trademark is a brand -- something people use to identify the source of goods or services. Many well known phrases are NOT trademarks. For instance, since the Prof. is not selling anything there, "Osler's Razor" is NOT a trademark. "Mrs. Paul's" however is a trademark.

Yes, I'm single. You and Brigitte may need to coordinate your efforts.


Or a trademark or what? What is a trademark? Are you single? Sally
 

Frankie,

I recommend therapy.
 

Jessica,

Cats are a sore subject, along with Tea Leone.

There are NO copyright implications to hugging them though.

A zither is something that a person with a lisps pulls up and down.


 

Marta,

Czech native costumes are designed for maximum beer drinking. Slovak costumes are designed to distinguish the wearer from Slovinians.
 

Dear IPLawGuy,

So umpires are a necessary evil of the game. Is there a problem if I wish to impersonate an umpire? What about making a fake Wil Meyers jersey? I am a big fan of Wil Meyers.

I Love the Rays,

Christine

ps - your responses are priceless!
 

Dear IPLawGuy--It is very thrifty of you to utilize the soaps in hotels. However,I feel compelled to suggest,gently,and tenderly, of course, that you use a moisturizer. And beg--and I rarely need to beg for anything--that you use sunscreen. Your moistness will not last forever,and you do not want to end up with the Great Prune Face.Or something far worse,which goes without mentioning. Love and Kisses,Brigitte P.S.Marta is quite right,as per usual.
 

Listen IPLawGuy--Geoff sucks. He stopped by today after reading the damn blog and now he's tryin' to make me remove the tattoo so he can date some French floozy . You don't get that I went thru alot of pain and suffering and distress to get that Mustang's ass on my belly.Geoff paid for the tattoo,and hurt like hell to get it on there and I ain't taking it off,no way,no how. My kid,Tootsie,drew the picture in 7th Grade art. Now what,Smart Guy? Love,Sally
 

Dear IPLawGuy

I am currently operating and own the LED Zepplin, an advertising blimp used in and around sporting events in the area of Akron Ohio. Is this a violation of patent law or whatever that thing you do is?

Love,
LT
 

Dear IPLawGuy,

I am writing to indicate my interest in summer a summer associate position with your law firm in space. I have experience in leak repair, dispute resolution, and animal control (specializing in large felines). Are you hiring?

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

The Intern
 

Christine,

I figured it had to be you, since I am quite sure you are the only Rays fan on the Razor... or the Web for that matter.

It depends on WHERE you impersonate an umpire. Not a problem to dress like one. But if you go on a playing field without permission you're probably trespassing.

As for jerseys, MLB will probably not like it if you don't buy a licensed jersey. Its an aggressive operation.

 

Brigitte,

Please respond in the form of a question.

Sincerely,

Alex Trebek

Or if you're old enough, Art Fleming
 

Sally,

Fear not, Geoff cannot have the tattoo removed even if he designed it and applied it himself. The tattoo is your personal property. If he owns the original design, he might be able to limit your ability to merchandise or otherwise market goods using the design, but the belly tag is ALL YOURS. And if your child drew the original, your child owns it and can control its use on other media
 

LT,

I checked the records of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office and found that while Messrs. Plant, Page, Baldwin (John Paul Jones' real name) and the estate of John Bonham and their company Superhype tapes do own U.S. Trademark Registrations for LED ZEPPELIN for a variety of products and services, like recorded media and t-shirts, another company, Jet-Lites owns a Registration for the mark L.E.D. Zeppelin covering: "electrical lighting system and accessories, sold as a unit, namely, electrical chargers, casings for electrical equipment, mounting brackets, lamp heads, electrical switches, light bulbs, electrical connectors, stablizers for electrical use for personal wear in sports, military, commercial and recreational activities, namely, bicycling, motorcycling, snowmobiling, hiking, running, climbing, caving, boating, touring, safety control, security and policing."

Which means that the Trademark Office does not consider LED ZEPPELIN to be so famous that Plant, Page and co. can block non-competing uses, like use on an advertising blimp.

So I think you're cool.

 

CTL/The Intern,

Sorry, but mere lawyers do not make hiring decisions. That's done by a cabal of secret illumnati.
 

Three things I cannot get enough of:

IPLawguy
Geoff and Sally
Mark's dad

Wisdom,
laughter,
wisdom
 

Oh, IPLawGuy...IPLawGuy...IPLawGuy *Sigh*... May I call you "IP?" You are the cat's miaow and pajamas. Why don't you come up and see me sometime? Can you sing?
 

No! Don't have him sing! Please, no!
 

Seraphim,

Thanks!
 

Brigitte,

Yes, you may call me "IP."

I'd come up and see you if I knew where you were.

Of course I can sing. I do it all the time. Whether you'd want to hear it is another question.
 

Prof. Osler

Too late!