Tuesday, December 11, 2012


People I am irrationally afraid of:

1) Mimes
2) Clowns
3) English league soccer fans
4) All former US vice-presidents
5) Baristas

Who are you scared of?

And me - don't forget me.
Eek! {Runs away from Chris Hanson while covering his head}
How can anyone be afraid of Walter Mondale?
1. Any religious extremist
2. NYPD Hercules squad cops
3. Chinatown vendors
4. Women TSA officers
5. Mickey Mouse mascots
1. The TSA in general
2. Conjoined twins
3. Anyone who is about to take my blood (phlebotomists, nurses, vampires to a lesser extent)
4. Stalkers
5. Nearly everyone on Craigslist
Keep 'em coming, Razorites! I'm writing a low-budget horror film based on all of your irrational fears. So far, I have it set in LaGuardia airport, the day after a popular soccer club loses it's biggest match the day before a major clown and mime convention. The fact that it's an airport should take care of the rest.
Speaking of soccer fans.

Historical reenactors who stay in character no matter what.
I ain't afraid of nobody nowhere.

Now possums are a different story. Those things freak me the freak out!
Afraid of:

TSA officers

Creeped out by:
Goths (people wearing black lipstick and nail polish)
People who cover their skin in tattoos
People who pierce their tongues, noses, eyebrows, etc... (not including women who have ethnically appropriate piercings)
1. Avon Ladies
2. Beehive Hairdoos
3. 1956
4. Pandas w/ flamethrowers
5. the Burger King
6. Smokers
7. People who fear Walter Mondale
8. Weather people
9. the Nixon administration
10. Travolta fans
So if Dan Quale dressed up as an English Soccer League Clown, and mimed out making you an expresso, that would pretty much be your nighmare from hell. Got it. I'll see what I can do.

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