Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Panda Update!
Since I am on assignment in Washington, I have two things on my mind: Politics and Pandas. We can deal with politics tomorrow. For today, let's update our panda knowledge:
1) Like millions of others who just wanted to get Yahoo off their back for a minute, I got caught up watching their video series "Burning Love." Long story short: It's totally unrealistic. Most shockingly, in episode 2 (which you can see here), we find that the protagonist of this reality show is a not-so-bright guy named Mark. (I know, right? Just like me!) Anyways, he is living in a big house with several beautiful women and boots some out occasionally for reasons that aren't quite clear. So-- and here is the baffling part-- the first group he boots includes the lady in a panda suit! TOTALLY unrealistic.
2) Back in 2008, this blog (like everyone else) was caught up in the election match-up between Republican Grar the Giant Maverick Panda, and his liberal opponent, Argbf. First, you may remember that Grar's campaign promises included a pledge to stop his opponent from eating money and to be nice to cubs. And who could forget his slogan? "Grar best for president! Argbf end world through inexperience." Sadly, after losing the election, Grar ate several residents of the Woodley Park neighborhood and is now incarcerated.
3) Meanwhile the Argbf administration, as Grar predicted, has been beset with troubles. In the first two years, she tried to implement her four-point plan:
1) Not live in zoo, but in freedom
2) Use freedom to make world better
C) Institute a gradually progressive marginal-rate tax plan with the primary burden of this increase falling only on those making incomes which would place them in the top 2% of all earners
3) Live in peace with Woodley Park residents, eating only slow and fatter ones and then moving into slow, fat people's apartments
4) More bamboo
Sadly, only points C and 4 were achieved, and the economy has languished. Leaving the question... who will challenge Argbf in 2012?
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See, I told you not to drink that fancy pants beer last night. You should have stuck with PBR, like me.
‘…who will challenge Argbf in 2012?” I am more worried about who will protect me from Argbf’s minions!!
After four years, I’ve been invited back for a family reunion to Argbf’s northern Minnesota stronghold nestled between the Cuyuna and Iron Range’s spent iron ore open pits, taconite strip mines and over-burden dumps and tailings ponds.
On July the Fifth, during that memorable ’08 campaign, this “Liberal Lass” was asked to eulogize my uncle – a renowned mining geologist and the only conservative (Republican) and protestant among our extended democratic and Catholic families – many the staunchest of Argbf supporters…
He must have been proud (and smiled) after my words – chosen carefully - honored his life, initiated lively debate and almost had me ridden out of town on a rail…
Some “Talking Points” help please! Arbgf’s campaign offices are in every town and hamlet across ‘da Range and they are already well organized and have had four years preparing to get back at me for my conciliatory suggestions of compromise and restructuring of their union mining and teaching contract wages, tenure, health care benefits and pensions.
In ’08 - I used the pulpit (bully pulpit) skillfully and surprised them with a large dose of “devil’s advocacy” – surprise will not be my ally this Saturday through the Fifth, Arbgf's verbal assassins will be lurking in the north woods, armed with quivers full of “counter-points!!!”
A little inspiration please…
IPLawguy, PBR, Hamms or Miller High Life - either will be savored...
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After four years, I’ve been invited back for a family reunion to Argbf’s northern Minnesota stronghold nestled between the Cuyuna and Iron Range’s spent iron ore open pits, taconite strip mines and over-burden dumps and tailings ponds.
On July the Fifth, during that memorable ’08 campaign, this “Liberal Lass” was asked to eulogize my uncle – a renowned mining geologist and the only conservative (Republican) and protestant among our extended democratic and Catholic families – many the staunchest of Argbf supporters…
He must have been proud (and smiled) after my words – chosen carefully - honored his life, initiated lively debate and almost had me ridden out of town on a rail…
Some “Talking Points” help please! Arbgf’s campaign offices are in every town and hamlet across ‘da Range and they are already well organized and have had four years preparing to get back at me for my conciliatory suggestions of compromise and restructuring of their union mining and teaching contract wages, tenure, health care benefits and pensions.
In ’08 - I used the pulpit (bully pulpit) skillfully and surprised them with a large dose of “devil’s advocacy” – surprise will not be my ally this Saturday through the Fifth, Arbgf's verbal assassins will be lurking in the north woods, armed with quivers full of “counter-points!!!”
A little inspiration please…
IPLawguy, PBR, Hamms or Miller High Life - either will be savored...
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: 2:15 PM
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