Thursday, December 15, 2011


Political Mayhem Thursday: Which state should we expel?

Among the stranger suggestions for balancing the budget is the idea that the United States should simply sell Texas, because federal expenditures in that state outweigh tax revenues, and it would probably sell for a decent price.

I'm personally fond of Texas, so I'm against that plan. But, if we were going to sell off a state, which one should it be?

For sure Rhode Island. It is not REALLLY an island... Any state that masquerades as an island but is not really an island has to go.
Who would buy Texas? Is that really an option and not just Rick Perry's latest ploy to convince us he isn't a close case?
I know this is meant in jest--but there are a couple of disturbing assumptions here:

1. That the United States (federal government) owns Texas and, therefore, has a right to sell it. Not my reading of the relationship.

Perhaps the Union could negotiate an amicable separation with Texas, if we/they feel the 1845 annexation is no longer working in the best interest of the whole.

2. That the cost of federal expenditures versus tax revenue represents a true accounting of the federal balance sheet.
I was going to suggest the UP of Michigan but it is part of a matched set of mittens and what does one do with only one mitten.
Seriously, there is only one answer right. Mississippi.

1. Have you been to Mississippi? There are parts of Mississippi that make a vacation to Afghanistan look like a trip to Disney World.

2. The name is just annoyingly long.

3. Racism.

4. No professional sports. And their college sports teams are crap. So, in general, most of America wont even notice they're gone.

So, that is my vote. Mississippi. Stupid state.

If not Mississippi, then Vermont, which I'm still not convinced even exists. And we should really stop perpetrating that lie upon the American people.
I've been to Vermont, so I can vouch for it. Like Texas, it used to be an independent country (it was then the 14th state). Also like Texas, I'm not sure they would mind so much going solo for a while.
I vote for Missouri, just like RRL feels about Vermont I doubt the existence of the state of Missouri. The name itself sounds like that of a knitted clothing company. And RRL, Vermont does exist, they hug trees up there and make maple syrup out of them. As for Texas, I know it is a different country, but I don’t think it was ever a sovereign country. Wasn’t Texas annexed from Mexico in 1845?
Mississippi, Alabama, Rhode Island and the Providence Plantations (locally referred to as the sewer of New England and home of Brown U), SO Cal but not Northern California which should be a separate state anyway.

-Scott Davis
Marta - the Republic of Texas existed from 1836, the year of Texas independence from Mexico, until 1846 (during which time it founded Baylor University, the oldest University in Texas). So, yes, it was a sovereign nation. And awesome.

And all of this Vermont propoganda must stop.
RRL thanks for the history lesson, even if by historical timeline measures ten years of sovereignty is a drop in the bucket and for ignorants like me, easy to overlook. But like you say, an awesome drop in the bucket nevertheless, which must count not as a decade but as a century for proud texans like yourself.
I like maple syrup and hugging trees. Vermont stays.

Just think how rich the country of Texas would be with all the oil they could sell the rest of us. And then they could afford to build their own border fence.

Perhaps we could cut a hole in the middle of the country and remove Kansas.
Vermont also has awesome rest areas.
New Mexico. No one thinks it's a state anyway-- that's why the license plates all say "New Mexico USA" .
I agree with Christine about the UP of Mich though, too. MICH shoudl just stop at MackinaC Island.
Maybe we should consider buying ourselves out of this recession. I hear the entire Iberian Peninsula is a real bargain right now. I don't think a country can have too many peninsulas.
Ireland is also up for grabs. Mmmmm Guinness!
Sure its risky, but think of the great soccer teams we would get!
Irish football? Ugh.
I have two suggestions:

Florida: Not only can Florida boast having totally primo ocean-front real estate, thereby increasing its instant retail value, but just imagine the federal savings from Social Security and Medicare...

Iowa: No one cares about Iowa (as evidenced by the fact that no one has mentioned it). It has an economy dependent on manufacturing and agriculture--how Olde Worlde! Come on Iowa, America exports its manufacturing and imports its agriculture, get with the times! Also, I am particularly suspicious of four letter words with three syllables. That breaks the optimal letter-syllable ratio (3:1) and totally ruins Haiku Friday's. Finally, shouldn't a real state have the first presidential caucus?

In the alternative, I'm with RRL. Not only is "Mississippi" much too long a name for a state, it has been the fattest state in the Union for the last six years...
I know someone who got abandoned at a rest area in Iowa. She went in to get some donuts or something, came out, and... her ride was gone. I think she still lives there, since there is no air, rail, or bus service out of the state.
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