Monday, December 12, 2011


Haiku winner: Christine!

Boy, there were some good haikus last week! I came close to having Renee win, but she wasn't in church today, so I couldn't confirm some things about her poem. Our winner is Christine, who waxed eloquent on the subject of her elf name:

Santa's best helper
A little round and "tine"y
I am the elf ~ SPORK

Spork reference, bad pun, proper counting of syllables.... if she had mentioned a panda, it would have been perfect!

And now, her biography:

A child of the midwest, Christine briefly attended Miami University (Vermont), where she became fascinated with nuclear power after a work-study project involving Vermont's unique all-wood nuclear reactor. Wanting more, she transferred to Reed College, which is the home to America's only nuclear reactor run by undergraduates.

While working on the Reed College reactor, she was involved in a bizarre partial meltdown later blamed on the B-52's, a 1980's pop band. As a result of the accident, she somehow gained the unusual ability to fly, with a few limitations. First, she could only fly while seated in a chair, and at that can only levitate some eight feet above the surface of the earth. Her initial attempts to use her powers for evil were foiled, as people standing nearby were able to easily reach and grab the legs of the chair as it passed nearby, causing her to crash.

After several unfortunate incidents, including one at Legoland California, she decided instead to work in the field of back room operations for large banking concerns. This played to both her facility with numbers and her flying ability, as most people working within banking are not quick-witted enough to grab a flying chair which is barely over their head.

Having made $908 million in that field through a variety of means, she retired to Northern Alabama's Sand Mountain region, where she now lives with her husband and several snakes, which are used for liturgical purposes.

Oh and in other news... there was anothe rexplosion in Canby tonight.... Not EVEN joking.
@ Tyd - It was the reactor at Reed College. I breeched it with my flying chair.

@ Mark - Did you know Spork's primary function is feeding Santa's reindeer. You can find them on our Sand Mountain ranch.
I heart snake handlers.
Wait, Christine's won this already before... and she had a different bio.
No, IPLG, the Razor is always totally consistent. I'm certain you are mistaken.
If I had more time, I'd scour the archives. But I'm busy looking at YouTube mashups of punk songs.
Oh! You finally got hired to do IP law for the Dictators, and are going to issue cease and desist letters to all those other so-called "Dictators" out there?
IPlaw - now, now... if you had spare time and left your space pod, you to could be the featured Haiku-ist. I've had some spare time up at Sand Mountain feeding the reindeer...
I dunno ... I'd hate to bet against IPLaw. If you're really needing some punk mashups, BTW, there are some utilizing the now-infamous Rick Perry commercial set to music.
@Rick. Love the jacket, man.
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