Osler's Razor

Tonight is the Texas Bowl, featuring Baylor vs. Illinois. I welcome any predictions you might have.

In anticipation of the game, I offer up a review of the following suggestions for the Baylor team:

1) Switch to a "Quarterback Vortex" offense

The "quarterback vortex" is a play I originally designed back in the days of Osler League touch football. It involves several quarterbacks running in a cirle behind center until the ball is snapped at random to one of the them. The others, if not too dizzy, spin off across the field for a pass, lateral, or forward fumble (my personal favorite). This system is perfect for a team with five decent quarterbacks. One key is to snap the ball early, before they all get too dizzy. (Note: Brian Serr will not agree to participate in this play. I tried once.)


2) Switch to a "No Quarterback" offense

At the other end of the spectrum, we could run an offense with no quarterback at all. One option would be to permanently run from punt formation, with the punter deciding at the line if the ball should be punted, fumbled, run by the terrified punter, or thrown downfield Garo Ypremian-style.

3) Emphasize fake injuries

There are few plays in football more consistently effective than faking an injury, then jumping up and completing a pass. No team, though, has ever tried doing this on every play. This may be the time to try! Soccer players have the fake injury down to perfection, and may be able to give us tips.

4) Marbles

Many Disney movies feature the heroes foiling the villians by dropping marbles so that the villians trip and fall while comically waving their arms in a windmill fashion. Nothing in the rules of football prevent this from being an effective tactic.

5) Strategic Use of the Golden Wave Marching Band

Having the band march onto the field while the other team is approaching a touchdown is a tried-and-true tactic on defense. Isn't it time we took advantage of every resource at hand?