Wednesday, September 29, 2010


I may die from physical therapy

While recovering from my broken ankle (perhaps America's most pathetic sports injury), I am undergoing some physical therapy. My assumption was that some nice lady would tell me about some exercises and then help me practice them a few times.

Wrong. The purpose of physical therapy, thus far, seems to be to completely remove my foot from the rest of my leg. We've come pretty close to accomplishing the mission, too. Today's exercises included her jerking my foot back and forth rapidly while grunting like a tennis player at Wimbledon. Other favorites have included pressing my leg with her thumb in the most painful places, and (inexplicably) tugging sharply on my big toe.

It does seem to be working, though. I love not having crutches anymore, and there has been additional healing. If she does succeed in removing the foot, I will at least have the rest of my leg in good shape...

That sounds about right. My PT knows exactly how to contort my knee into the most painful positions. It's a gift...a true gift.
I remember I needed PT for a knee injury. OMG It was hell. But you DO get better and stronger.. Those first few weeks though...... AT least you will have it all done by the time the big snow comes.
You did tell her you're a lawyer, right?
Two knee replacements, a broken collarbone, ankle surgery - PT is hell, but it pays off. The only really unsuccessful replacement patients I know didn't do the work because "It hurts!"

Just take a pill before you go in and have at it. The opiates also blur the urge to kill the PT person!

I think the point is to get you so well healed that you can actually reach them to commit mayhem - then you are discharged.

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