Sunday, January 31, 2010

 

Sunday Reflection: Forgiveness


For whatever reason, someone on Friday turned the Don Henley song "Heart of the Matter" into a haiku (which had nothing to do with Henry Ford's signature). It started me thinking.

Forgiveness can be the most difficult of Christian tasks. It is heart-wrenching to give up a grievance or hurt, like giving up a part of ourselves, and the larger the hurt the more difficult the task.

My friend and colleague Randall O'Brien wrote a book about forgiveness, and I learned a lot from him. He was of the view that true forgiveness does not wait until the person changes their ways-- that is, we cannot condition it on the person treating us better. How hard is that? Randall would point out time and again that Christ forgave BEFORE the person changed, or even took responsibility for their acts, and that he did this right down to his literal last words on the cross ("forgive them, for they know not what they do").

Like many Christian imperatives, forgiveness often runs against what our sense of reason or justice might otherwise tell us is right.

Among my many imperfections, I am often challenged with showing forgiveness. And you?

Comments:
For me, forgiveness is directly related to grace. In the first few verses of Romans 6, it is pretty clear. You don't continue doing something because you know you will be forgiven.
So, it is on both parties. One stops the forgiveable behavior and the other accepts it. Forgiving is hard and it hurts. It doesn't always make sense. But it is not a free pass to continue the behavior. A change has to be made. Once that happens, forgiveness and grace appear.
 
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
 
Anon 1:42- If you are saying that forgiveness has to follow change, you are wrong, and Romans 6 does not support that. It says we should change. It does NOT say we should condition forgiveness on change.

It amazes me how some people twist Bible verses to make Christianity easier and more judgmental.
 
Here is a shameless plug, for my new blog, Dear Theolphilus:
http://wwwdeartheophilus.blogspot.com/

I shall think about this most important topic of forgiveness and get back to you.
 
Excellent, Spot! I am adding it to my blogroll.
 
Forgiveness is an expression of grace/love. Along with gratitude and joy, it proceeds from love. We can forgive others because God forgives us. We can live with gratitude and joy, no matter our circumstances, because God loves us and forgives us. Yet, it is incredibly difficult for us to forgive others, to receive that forgiveness from others (or God), and to forgive ourselves.

The crux of St. Paul's argument in Romans is found in chapter five: Simul et just peccator or justifed while yet a sinner.

The grace is found in the reality that Christ chose to do for you, for me, and for all the creation whilst we were (and are) yet in our sin.

Christ did not choose to die so much (though he died for them as well) for the godly, but for the sinner.

Augustine, among other Church Fathers and Mothers, preached it. Luther rediscovered this spiritual truth and inaugurated the Protestant Reformation. Every tent revival preacher down to the modern day ones who have the huge buildings with screens, cupholders, stadium seating, and Starbucks preach a version of it (though interestingly, the hawk their goods ala indulgences to a consumer mad crowd).

It is wonderful to know that God forgives and that God's love seeks us no matter where we are (prevenient grace). The reality of forgiving one another is different, much different because the two interlocutors are human. But in striving to love one another as Christ loved us, which we shall always fail at by the way, in striving to do so we learn (and relearn "seventy times seven") humility and grace.

God's already made God's decision about us, we are called to walk the way, the truth, and the life, and when we stumble, as we all do throughout our lives, we are called to repent. Yet, repentance toward God, no matter how sincere, can ever manipulate the sharing of God's grace. Otherwise, we would be the author of our own salvation.
 
Maybe forgiveness is not so much about what we do, though certainly it is that, but about who we are and who we are called to be.

Jesus forgives us from His Cross, Jesus forgives us because of who He is (Incarnate Lord).

Thus, if we put on Christ at our baptism, we are called to grow into the full stature of Christ through the ministrations of the Holy Spirit, with the encouragement of the community of believers, and through the Sacraments (lest I sound too Catholic or Orthodox I shall stop there.)

And if we seek to be closer to Christ, we must put on forgiveness for us and for our neighbour.
 
Wow, great stuff, Scott-- I especially love the part about the risk of becoming the authors of our own salvation. How tempting that is, and how wrong!
 
I'm sure that this will remain unread...my fault for posting on Tuesday. Ten years ago, my family went through a time that split us in half. As a result, I have not seen or spoken to that half unless I was forced to in quite some time. Don't get me wrong, I am not generally an angry or unforgiving person, but this situation tore my heart in half and I refused to let it heal, and have not let an opportunity pass to remind any family member that asked that I would not ever forgive. However, this year, on my annual forced visit, I saw what this was doing to me. My grandmother, 80 years old, widowed, living alone, parceled out her remaining possessions to her grandchildren, and even in that found a way to make it known that she will never change her mind about the situation. But I realized that I can not change that. My unforgiveness hardened my heart, and it changed my life. And I had to be the one that changed it back. I forgave, knowing that not one other person would change. A huge burden that I didn't know even existed is lifted, and my heart is lighter. That is the power of forgiveness. I can't change the person that I forgave, but God can change and work in my heart, and that is all He asks me to do.
 
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