Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Deep, deep, sadness

Last night on the way home, I noticed that I-35 northbound was completely closed. This is the primary artery between San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas, so the back-up was extraordinary. I imagined there was some terrible accident.

In fact, a Baylor student carrying a Bible had walked onto the interstate and knelt before an oncoming truck. She lived, miraculously, and is in the hospital. I know that I join with many others in hoping the best for her, and feeling a sense of deep sadness when I think about this incident.

The photo above was posted on her facebook page as her profile picture at about the time of the accident.

What could bring a person to this?

Wow. Speaking generically, this is finals time, the time of holiday breaks, and people that feel the stress of lonliness feel it more acutely at this time of year.

I hope she makes a full recovery, even from the feelings that led her to this.
This time of year brings great sadness and despair to many people. I hope she receives the appropriate assistance to help her heal and live a happier life.
Her poor parents.
I often strugle with depression and other similar thoughts, so I know what makes someone think about doing this. It is not just despair and sadness, but a feeling that you truly have no options.

There is, however, a huge gap between thinking about this, and a an actual suicide attempt, which this clearly appears to be.

What I found most touching and sad was that she was carrying a Bible, perhaps as a way to convey her sorrow for what she was about to do and seek forgiveness for a terrible sin.
This time last Thursday I was talking to McKenzie on the first floor of the the law library. After explaining she was an undergrad and imploring me to keep her secret, we entered into a thirty-minute dialogue about her friends and family, the paper she was writing, and the book that had recently changed her life. Then, as now, I wanted nothing more than to avoid reading for my International Trade Law class, so I removed my ear buds and listened. I noticed she was intensely distracted and remembered feeling that way at 20. We parted ways with her recommendation that I read "The Shack" by William Young.

This Thursday finds me disappointed in her choices, praying for her recovery, and wondering about that book.
Depression is a terrible thing: the sadness and the despair can make you feel like you are in a deep pit and you will never get out. Situations in life leave us all depressed for a time, that is part of life and experience, but when you suffer from depression itself, you see no other options and you want the pain to end. With that said, however, many of us who have suffered from depression or repressed anger, or even terrible anxiety, do not have suicidal ideation. As one other writer said, "there is a huge gap between thinking about this and an actual suicide attempt."

Say a prayer for her and her family. I know that I will.
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