Osler's Razor

Every once in a while, Blaine McCormick and I will meet for lunch over at Penland Hall, which is a dorm cafeteria on Baylor's main campus. Last week, we sauntered over to the dessert table and found what may be my favorite food label of all time, pictured above.

At my own alma maters, the food varied considerably. At Yale, the food was outstanding, while at William and Mary it was pretty bad. One redeeming feature of the W & M cafeteria, though, was the "Your Questions" board outside the main door. You could drop a question in a box, and a baffling handwritten response would appear a few days later. Two responses still crack me up, all these years later.

In the first, someone (me) had asked about a featured item called "Clammos." I had previously asked if Clammos were, in fact, made out of clams, and got a simple "yes" in response. Because Clammos tasted more like polyurethane, I tried a follow-up. "What part of the clam are Clammos made of?" I asked. The response: "Clam Toes."

The temperature was usually crazy at the Caf, too. On hot days, it would be frigid, and on cold days it would be boiling inside. This seemed not only uncomfortable but a waste of money, so there were several notes over time with the same question: "Can't you get the Caf to be a consistent temperature?" The response was always the same-- "The temperature is controlled by a computer in Richmond."

That had to be the worst answer to a serious question ever. First of all, WHY was the temperature controlled by a computer in Richmond if it did such a lousy job? Secondly... what was up with this computer? Was it some kind of evil twin of the HAL 3000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey? Had it been programmed by someone who was shockingly drunk? Yet, this computer kept its job despite terrible performance for all four years I was at W & M.

Feel free to add your own horrifying dorm food stories in the space below.