Sunday, March 22, 2009

 

Memo to aliens: Maybe work on the electric door technology


Today I went to see the movie "Race to Witch Mountain," which was kind of a nice change of pace after seeing "American Violet" three times in one week. There are many more car chases and people diving away from explosions in "Witch Mountain!"

However, I'm really wondering about something. Why is it that alien spacecraft in movies, despite their advanced technologies which enable them to fly faster than the speed of light, always feature electric doors which close at a snail's pace? Seriously, these "Witch Mountain" aliens had a ship whose doors closed at half the pace of a 2002 Honda Odyssey minivan with the electric door option.

Which, come to think of it, is something Honda should work into their marketing somehow...

Comments:
MacGuffins are not a terrestrial technology, it seems.
 
You didn't know? Universal law mandates that spaceship doors close that slowly because of a major products liability lawsuit. Bad facts. Gruesome photos. Big punitive damages. Now all the major spaceship manufacturers are afraid.
 
And what about the flashing lights on the bottom of that spaceship? What's the possible point of that?
 
The slow door technology was created for the third generation SUV saucers, allowing soccer mom aliens time to enter the vehicle when their three arms were hampered with grocery and shopping bags.

Though obviously a problem in hyperactive human action movies, the technology was still an improvement over first-generation saucers, which often sported a long nylon filament on top and had no doors at all (see "Plan Nine From Outer Space").
 
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