Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Razor Sports Corner: This Season's Key Matchups!
Those who know me well know that I love sports-- even the many, many sports I can't play. As a keen observer of the sporting scene, I have summarized below some of the key matchups for the upcoming month:
1) New York Giants v. Houston Rockets
It's hard to bet against Eli Manning these days, but the dominant force in this one will be Yao Ming, fresh from his efforts in the Beijing Olympics. I love the Giants' defense, and the fact that they are allowed to tackle (and have 6 more players than the Rockets) will present quite a handful for Houston's favorites.
2) Baltimore Orioles v. Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team
The clear favorite here has to be the Chinese Women, but I suspect the Orioles have a trick or two up their sleeve. Baltimore team personnel were recently seen buying several real, live, ponies and painting them pink, and I have a hunch that this has something to do with the upcoming smackdown between these two squads.
3) Baylor Bears v. The Members of the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals
Sure, the judges seem somewhat, er, elderly, but they pack a big dose of experience and a mean streak a mile wide. Meanwhile, the Baby Bears (featuring freshman at several key positions) don't lack for enthusiasm but are often somewhat at a loss in oral arguments. Look for Bears QB Robert Griffin to play a key role in this one!
1) New York Giants v. Houston Rockets
It's hard to bet against Eli Manning these days, but the dominant force in this one will be Yao Ming, fresh from his efforts in the Beijing Olympics. I love the Giants' defense, and the fact that they are allowed to tackle (and have 6 more players than the Rockets) will present quite a handful for Houston's favorites.
2) Baltimore Orioles v. Chinese Women's Gymnastics Team
The clear favorite here has to be the Chinese Women, but I suspect the Orioles have a trick or two up their sleeve. Baltimore team personnel were recently seen buying several real, live, ponies and painting them pink, and I have a hunch that this has something to do with the upcoming smackdown between these two squads.
3) Baylor Bears v. The Members of the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals
Sure, the judges seem somewhat, er, elderly, but they pack a big dose of experience and a mean streak a mile wide. Meanwhile, the Baby Bears (featuring freshman at several key positions) don't lack for enthusiasm but are often somewhat at a loss in oral arguments. Look for Bears QB Robert Griffin to play a key role in this one!
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What about that nationally televised, pay-per-view grudge match/throwdown between Michael Phelps and Baylor Equestrian which will be held in Manila and refereed by George Foreman? Grilled cheese sandwiches at twenty paces...with horses.
This is amazing because people suspect I use drugs and yet no one questions you when you put this up... Damn these double standards!
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