Monday, November 26, 2007

 

America's Worst Bathrooms!

Poseur took a shot at describing the worst bathroom ever yesterday, and I have to admire his efforts. Personally, I haven't tried to stop on I-10 in Louisiana, since it seems like if I opened the car door "Dueling Banjos" would start playing from some unseen, malevolent source.

Of course, yankees have their own terrible public restrooms. Not in Iowa-- Iowa has great rest areas. Each one has a theme, which is very well executed. Highway 61 on Lake Superior's North Shore in Minnesota used to be a death run in terms of bathrooms (just stepping behind the RV seemed to be the preferred course), but they fixed that. The rest areas in Illinois are unique but kind of scary-- they are on bridges right over the highway, so you look down on the traffic.

Sticking to horrific-bathroom tradition is Indiana. Desperate once in the southern part of that state, I stopped at something called "Ski World," which had a small, rocky hill and chair lift and a teeny lodge. The sign out front said "Liquor Lotto Cigs SKI WORLD." [I see that Ski World has now added camping to the mix] The bathrooms featured about four inches of standing water. Well, I told myself it was water...

Comments:
Minnesota did a building campaign for its rest areas on I35 about thirty years ago, now they are great, even in winter. In Texas, on the other hand, I've seen snakes, scorpions and grackles--all in the same rest area--no roofs on the potties, either. What's with that? No roofs and many, dangerous, wild animals. Although sometimes the gas stations along I35 are even worse. Anyone stop at that eden known as Budda?
 
I hate to tell you this...but BoilerBabe can get a little testy if you start talking smack about Indiana.
 
Uh oh. [hides]
 
Well, I could tell you some gross-out bathroom stories from India . . . although sometimes . . . no, never mind. Let's just say you never forget the smell on an Indian train, or in the train station . . .

And Port-a-Potties are never really a good idea, either. That wonderful American invention.
 
Somewhere in the great state of Virginia, there is a rest area so remote that it is not reached by sewer lines, so instead of water in the toilets, they use mineral oil. After a while, the mineral oil will take on a certain... color. And an odor. And frankly, you haven't truly lived until you've flushed an oil toilet. Glug. Glug. Glug.
 
Spring Break 2001. Border crossing near Padre. Armed guard used his own credit card to open the bathroom door for me. Light switch without faceplate hanging from the wall. Just as well it didn't work--wouldn't want to see. Apparently they don't believe in toilet seats. BYOPaper. Too nasty. But not as nasty as the one in the club South of that border (too gross for this comment section [and probably beyond the scope of this topic (though "America's Worst Bathrooms!" is a bit ambiguous considering the connotation versus lexiconical denotation of "America")]).
 
East Texas. "Waterbugs." Service stations. Ew.
 
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