Monday, October 29, 2007
Who knew knee injuries were contagious?
There's a lot I don't know about medicine, but I'm kind of surprised at my latest physical malady. Apparently by just spending time with Baker, I have sustained some kind of knee injury. I have never suffered from a sore knee before, and didn't do anything in Key West that would have resulted in such an injury, but upon my return from Florida my knee has been hurting every day.
If it is possible to catch a knee injury from someone, it would be Baker. Consider his history:
May, 1984: Injures left knee playing tetherball. Minor surgery.
July, 1985: Injures right knee while celebrating American independence from Britain.
October, 1985: Injures both knees during bizarre gardening accident. Minor surgery.
May, 1987: Breaks both legs during scrum at Lillith Fair concert.
June, 1989: Tears ACL in left knee while robbing convenience store in Paramus, NJ. Surgery.
August, 1992: Left leg removed at knee during altercation with Cal Ripken, Sr. Surgery.
June, 1994: Both kneecaps broken during debate tournament. Major surgery.
July, 1995: All ligaments in left knee removed during incident at Maryland State Fair, replaced with ligaments from Carnie who died in same incident. Thus, Baker is part-carnie.
June, 1999: Right leg snaps in half as Baker wins DC radio station's "Joe Theisman" contest. Prize includes major surgery.
August, 2001: Both knees affected when body is cryogenically frozen as condition of probation. Thawed in 2005.
August, 2006: Left leg simply falls off during torts class. Surgery.
October, 2007: Further tragedy averted by Gordon Davenport's "Vulcan neck pinch." Baker conveys knee pain to other team members and coaches through unknown method.
Comments:
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Sounds like the character on "King of the Hill" who has no knees---you know, Hank Hill's father. Hopefully he doesn't look or act like that, though.
# posted by 
: 2:03 AM
: 2:03 AM
I heard that Baker and Shaun Livingston of the Los Angelas Clippers were playing badminton a few hours before Livingston's infamous knee injury.
During first year, I got a wrong number call in the middle of the night. The next day, when I woke up, I couldn't move my left leg at all. Checking caller ID, I found that it was Baker who had called.
# posted by : 12:16 PM
: 12:16 PM
A few notes...
If you can't start a mosh pit to Sarah McGlaughlin, who can you mosh to?
Cal Ripken, Sr was surprisingly scrappy.
I have both metallic parts AND other people's body parts in my knee. Making it both Robo-Knee and FrankenKnee. This makes me way too happy. This is actually true.
Thank God Gordon was there to poke me in tthe throat to prevent future injury.
As for that radio contest, I completely misunderstood. I thought we were going to be able to break Theismann's leg again. Instead, they locked me in a room with Lawrence Taylor after he had ingested a pound of cocaine. The results were predictable. The surgery was a result of the settlement which I am not at liberty to discuss.
If you can't start a mosh pit to Sarah McGlaughlin, who can you mosh to?
Cal Ripken, Sr was surprisingly scrappy.
I have both metallic parts AND other people's body parts in my knee. Making it both Robo-Knee and FrankenKnee. This makes me way too happy. This is actually true.
Thank God Gordon was there to poke me in tthe throat to prevent future injury.
As for that radio contest, I completely misunderstood. I thought we were going to be able to break Theismann's leg again. Instead, they locked me in a room with Lawrence Taylor after he had ingested a pound of cocaine. The results were predictable. The surgery was a result of the settlement which I am not at liberty to discuss.
I have to admit, seeing Gordon take out Baker with a single blow (in a friendly, caring way) was kind of like watching an especially exciting scene from the Transformer's movie.
Am I the only one who was sad when megatron just totally ripped Jazz in half during the movie?
Anyone?
Just me then?
Okay......
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Anyone?
Just me then?
Okay......
# posted by : 8:28 PM
: 8:28 PM << Home
