Monday, October 22, 2007
My idea for a really great football play
As well-chronicled over at Bar Mat, the Baylor football team continues to struggle. Over the past two games, big losses to Kansas and Texas, five different quarterbacks have played, and none have been particularly effective. I think it may be time for some innovation. Here are five possible tactics to make things better in a hurry:
1) Switch to a "Quarterback Vortex" offense
The "quarterback vortex" is a play I originally designed back in the days of Osler League touch football. It involves several quarterbacks running in a cirle behind center until the ball is snapped at random to one of the them. The others, if not too dizzy, spin off across the field for a pass, lateral, or forward fumble (my personal favorite). This system is perfect for a team with five decent quarterbacks. One key is to snap the ball early, before they all get too dizzy.
2) Switch to a "No Quarterback" offense
At the other end of the spectrum, we could run an offense with no quarterback at all. One option would be to permanently run from punt formation, with the punter deciding at the line if the ball should be punted, fumbled, run by the terrified punter, or thrown downfield Garo Ypremian-style.
3) Emphasize fake injuries
There are few plays in football more consistently effective than faking an injury, then jumping up and completing a pass. No team, though, has ever tried doing this on every play. This may be the time to try! Soccer players have the fake injury down to perfection, and may be able to give us tips.
4) Marbles
Many Disney movies feature the heroes foiling the villians by dropping marbles so that the villians trip and fall while comically waving their arms in a windmill fashion. Nothing in the rules of football prevent this from being an effective tactic.
5) Strategic Use of the Golden Wave Marching Band
Having the band march onto the field while the other team is approaching a touchdown is a tried-and-true tactic on defense. Isn't it time we took advantage of every resource at hand?
Comments:
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Is the "Golden Wave" Marching Band some kind of nod to Coach Shnupp's tinkling problem?
# posted by 
: 1:28 PM
: 1:28 PM
Honest officer, me and Rufus, we CHECKED the collar and leash on that durn bear before the game.
Rufus, he was SURE that the leash was on tight. But next thing you know, there that bear went, right onto the field, chasing after that POOR Oklahoma quarterback..
Man didn't have a chance. Poor bear was kinda hungry I guess.
--now THIS could work. But only once every few years.
Rufus, he was SURE that the leash was on tight. But next thing you know, there that bear went, right onto the field, chasing after that POOR Oklahoma quarterback..
Man didn't have a chance. Poor bear was kinda hungry I guess.
--now THIS could work. But only once every few years.
# posted by : 2:36 PM
: 2:36 PM
I would like to proffer the following free agents for Baylor’s consideration in the upcoming weeks and for next season:
1. Stephen Hawking - The master of quantum gravity understands the effects of nature on the trajectory and speed of a football. What Professor Hawking lacks in a throwing arm, he makes up for stamina as he should be able to move on that field all day.
2. Ken Stabler - “The Snake” was a deadly, medium-gain striker. Although a bit forgetful, providing color commentary for Alabama has probably improved Mr. Stabler’s play calling. There may be some eligibility concerns.
3. Scorpion - Midway’s infamous, yellow-clad character from “Mortal Combat” can draw back any errant passes with his harpoon attack. Plus, what defensive lineman would want to sack a man who can rip your spine out?
4. Albert - Baylor can close the species gap with Russian football teams by experimenting with a rhesus monkey at quarterback. Albert’s small size and stature will make him a wily, scrambling starter. However, “thrown fecal matter” could lead to an increase in penalty yards (as well as the creation of an entire new penalty).
5. Scott Bakula - The Texas State University Fighting Armadillos took advantage of Dr. Sam Beckett’s throwing accuracy, so why can’t we? I hear Dr. Who and the Journeyman are also available.
1. Stephen Hawking - The master of quantum gravity understands the effects of nature on the trajectory and speed of a football. What Professor Hawking lacks in a throwing arm, he makes up for stamina as he should be able to move on that field all day.
2. Ken Stabler - “The Snake” was a deadly, medium-gain striker. Although a bit forgetful, providing color commentary for Alabama has probably improved Mr. Stabler’s play calling. There may be some eligibility concerns.
3. Scorpion - Midway’s infamous, yellow-clad character from “Mortal Combat” can draw back any errant passes with his harpoon attack. Plus, what defensive lineman would want to sack a man who can rip your spine out?
4. Albert - Baylor can close the species gap with Russian football teams by experimenting with a rhesus monkey at quarterback. Albert’s small size and stature will make him a wily, scrambling starter. However, “thrown fecal matter” could lead to an increase in penalty yards (as well as the creation of an entire new penalty).
5. Scott Bakula - The Texas State University Fighting Armadillos took advantage of Dr. Sam Beckett’s throwing accuracy, so why can’t we? I hear Dr. Who and the Journeyman are also available.
# posted by : 2:54 PM
: 2:54 PM
Wait a minute! YOU haven't used YOUR NCAA eligibility! I am quite sure that you never donned the Green and Gold for the William and Mary Tribe nee Indians.
So why not sign up for that Grad Botany degree and get your butt out there on the field and show those college boys how to play some football!
So why not sign up for that Grad Botany degree and get your butt out there on the field and show those college boys how to play some football!
# posted by : 3:05 PM
: 3:05 PM
Actually, we are just not paying attention. When the cheerleaders and fans simultaneously shout "DE-FENSE", then we should step it up. These cheers weren't invented without good reason.
Take a hint from the sidelines, Guy.
Take a hint from the sidelines, Guy.
Are we going to get a post about the food that you ate in Key West? We know that's the REAL reason you went there. Who ever heard of a Mock Trial Tourney in Key West?
# posted by : 3:29 PM
: 3:29 PM
What about plays involving metal folding chairs, real swarms of Africanized honey bees, and Ex-lax laced Gatorade? I mean, the vortex quarterback thing sounds neat, but a whole team with the shooters could be the big break the Bears have been looking for. Just a thought.
It occurs to me that we have already played more quarterbacks than we have wins. That is not normal.
Professor Osler,
Will you please print out the comments that you, current students, and alumni made regarding possible changes to the school and deliver them to Deans Jackson and Toben?
I believe that there were some great ideas put forth and I would love for the school's leadership, if they don't regularly read your blog, to review the comments made by the law school community who do read your blog.
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Will you please print out the comments that you, current students, and alumni made regarding possible changes to the school and deliver them to Deans Jackson and Toben?
I believe that there were some great ideas put forth and I would love for the school's leadership, if they don't regularly read your blog, to review the comments made by the law school community who do read your blog.
# posted by : 9:20 PM
: 9:20 PM << Home
