Monday, June 11, 2007

 

The Razor Summer Movie Guide!



Summer is the season of blockbuster films, and 2007 is no exception. And you can count on the Razor to cut the wheat from the chaff!

1) Harry Potter Goes To Phoenix

Surprisingly, the film takes significant liberties from the plotline of the book, as Harry leaves Hogwarts and enrolls as an art student at Arizona State University. He is followed there, of course, by Lord Voldemort, who finally kills Harry with the help of ASU basketball coach Lute Olson and former player Manute Bol. Though jammed with cameos apparently designed to appeal to children (Hillary Duff, Patrick Starfish, and Dora the Explorer), the film is inappropriate for small children due to several gory killings, references to Harry's "magic wand," and drug use.

2) National Lampoon Presents: Sky High 2

This sequel focuses on the character of Layla, the girl who can control plants with her mind. She turns her talents to marijuana cultivation, with predictable results. Not appropriate for children or young adults.

3) Surf's Up: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Combining the trend toward penguin and superhero movies, Surf's Up brings the penguin colony into conflict with the Silver Surfer, a mysterious figure who devours entire planets. Though this film is appropriate for small kids, they may be bored with the extended plotline involving a travel agent played by Wallace Shawn.

4) The Simpson's Movie

Based on the popular and long-running television cartoon, The Simpson's Movie follows Cartman's search for a principled conservative politician in the Bush administration. As usual, Kenny ends up dead, etc. etc. Not appropriate for children of any age, or those who may be pregnant or have a heart condition.

5) March of the Penguins 3

Narrated by Al Gore, this dry documentary follows the penguin colony chronicled in the first two movies as global warming converts their wintry redoubt into an iceless wasteland. For two hours, we see the penguins dying in a large pile until finally they are loaded into trucks Soylent Green-style to be shipped to China for remanufacture into toxic toothpaste featuring a happy penguin on the package.

Comments:
I haven't seen "Rise of the Silver Surfer" yet but I hope it is gonna be a really great movie, especially for someone who likes comicbooks :)
Nice profile by the way :D
 
The original screen play for the first movie was titled "Harry Potter Goes to the University of Phoenix Online."
 
One little problem with your Harry Potter preview: Lute Olsen is the coach of the Arizona Wildcats, not the Arizona State Sun Devils
 
Tom--

It's a movie so they fictionalize a lot of details like that.
 
Is Lute short for Luthier?
 
The thought of the rather bland ASU coach Herb Sendek in a movie is amusing to me.
 
Doesn't Shrek battle a giant rubber dinosaur or a big moth or Keith Richards or something in his new movie?

Or am I confusing it with Pirates III, where Johnny Depp and Keith Richards snort up their Dad's ashes?

Or is Keith Richards now part of Billy Ocean's band playing live in Las Vegas along with George Clooney and his pals?
 
Well, I had a good laugh at "Wild Hogs," which for some reason was renamed "Born to Be Wild" for distribution in Europe. Middle-aged geeky men on a motorcycle road trip. It actually would be okay for pregnant women and children (the movie, that is; not the road trip.)
 
We have Netflix. We recently just watched The Queen and Night at the Museum.

But those grown up movie choices are few and far between. We usually watch stuff like Pooh's Grand Adventure, the Tigger Movie, the Piglet Movie and Pooh's Heffalump Movie. Either that or ELMO -

The kid is in a RUT.

Hey I did one great thing this past weekend - Spencer LOVES the library. We have an AMAZING library system. He LOVES it.


I hated all the SHREK movies. SOrry but I hate those "kids" movies that are full of also a bunch of jokes for the adults. The worst one EVER was that horrible Cat in the Hat Movie with Mike Meyers. After seeing that I am REALLLLY careful about what I let SPencer watch. For TV its PBS KIDS/SPROUT ONLY and not even all of the shows on there. He can see only ONE show on Nick: "Jack's Big Music Show."

There is SOOO MUYCH crap out there for kids ANd then the commercials also really suck. They all emphasize all of these stupid stereotypes and gender roles and the kids all insult each other ... Its AWFUL. They are just insulting to children.

Don't get me started. I write letters of complaint to PBS like every week.

They never write me back though.
 
Hey Osler who won the haiku?

I am not asking for me... Bill is really prolific at the haiku lately.

He is haiku-ing left and right.
 
What? No love for Knocked Evan Almighty? A cautionary tale about non-virgin births, Morgan Freeman, facial hair, carpentry, animals 2x2,registering for cute baby stuff at Target and maintaining your personal floatation devices....

Actually, these are two of the movies I really want to see. Plus Ocean's 13. That George Clooney is very CL-esque!!
 
I voted for Tied2Bleach's Haiku about the band Asia myself.

Although I think Iplawbaby's bit about Paris Hilton and Goodnight Moon was pretty cute.
 
University of Phoenix Online is the Harvard of the Online Schools..... But i have heard the diploma has a picture of a PC on the seal...
 
If they made a movie about Iplawife and her online U. of Phx Masters Degree program there would be some funny scenes, but mostly it would feature her writing lots of papers and participating in lots of study teams on the computer. Not that exciting cinematically.

One repeated motif would be me taking Iplawbaby out on errands so Mom can get some work done. Perhaps Hollywood could change that and Iplawbaby and I could have some harrowing adventures while we're out of the house, risking our lives and encountering danger, but then come home and not tell Iplawife what really happened.
 
I have to say that I am a graduate of U of P Online, though it may be obvious to all...hahah. I found there were a lot of nice people in my classes who I got to know only in cyberspace. I was monumentally busy running Bill's shop etc and they took many of my of my credits I had acquired up until then, and they said I could finish the degree in two more years and after 17 years of undergrad and nineteen major changes, I was ready for the end.

I did graduate, and I learned a lot about business and marketing and I met some nice people, wrote a TON of papers, and I mean it was okay... THere were a few weirdos in the classes and a lot who lived in weird places like Guam and Barbados.

SOme you could sort of tell were weird I remember when it was time for graduation I could have attended it, but I really could not justify draggin a 4 month old newborn baby to Phoenix in July... BUT I also hesitated BECAUSE it was online.... I was not sure if I was ready to meet that weird guy from Guam who used to talk constatnly about how he bought his wife a fur coat...... I mean isn't it HOT in Guam????

Anyway.
I cannot say it was as difficult as any of the other 5 colleges I attended in my prestigious 17 year academic career, but I did have to work very very hard and roll off a LOT of typing... You write papers just like I mean like 6 a week. constantly.

AND it was the one institution that was like " YOU CAN ACTUALLY FINISH THIS!!!" and by that time I was like SIGN ME UP!!!!!

But I honestly doubt Harry Potter would be able to get in these days. Its very exclusive now....
 
How does she like that Masters program, anyway? I almost did the MBA in Human Resources but then I had Spencer and it was too crazy.... we got robbed for the third time, moved out of state closed the shop etc. then we remodeled the house and that was finally getting settled and then the house blew up. I think it was a message from either The Gods, or the Telephone Company, that I should not do anymore school for a while.
 
Hi Tyd,

I like it and I don't like it. There is no doubt that I wouldn't get a better education if I could attend a school full-time, hang out with my fellow students, spend Saturday nights at Starbucks discussing issues, etc. But I have never been a "joiner". I moved to L.A. when I was 18 to get out of finishing pledging a sorority that I was supposed to be joining but once I got in it too deep I realized that there was no way I could be a part of it. The online thing is perfect for me. I can attend classes whenever I want. I don't have to get daycare for Libby. Sometimes I feel like I'm neglecting her because I'm writing papers while she's playing by herself and I've written a lot of papers with one hand while I'm holding her (which is a pain in the ass) and I rarely do the reading because I am not good at reading a book online and I would probably learn a ton more if I was able to actually focus on this stuff instead of figuring out how to do my usual "get by" stuff, but I am getting A's and B's and Libby doesn't seem too scarred so we carry on. The next question is what I will do with the degree. And, just to let you know, I look forward to reading your posts everyday.
 
But, Iplawhubby has reminded me of an experience that I can't not mention. I had one learning team experience that was not so good. Mostly because of learning team member Linda, who had "misunderstood mental illness" and many, many, many animals in her home, and a husband who was innocent yet incarcerated in federal prison. After one learning team project she left a message on my cell phone in which she just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. It was pretty spooky.
 
Linda-- that was some amazing stuff. I often have wondered if I incarcerated her husband.

I kind of hope I did. And he wasn't really innocent.
 
Iplawwife: I totally know what you mean!!! I met some WEEEEIIIIRD people in my learning teams. The guy from Guam some people who were like and I mean no offense by this but like unwed mothers who cannot spell, People who did not exactly have the strongest command of English...LOTS of Army people and a LOT I mean a LOT of these people who were into like the whole Tony Robbins Up with People Dale Carnegie scene you know? Like they would have like a little saying about everything that happened in life.... stuff like you would find at the SUCCESSORIES store UGH. Stuff like there are NO problems in life, only Opportunities that kind of crap.

Once I was in this group where all of the rest of them were sort of in the same town, like they were taking the classes online but also they lived in AZ so they could sort of get together We were supposed to write this huge paper on like some marketing strategy and we had to pick a company They all INSISTED that we do this co that makes "POOR BROTHERS POTATO CHIPS" It was soooo stupid. buit I was outnumberd and the good thing about UOP is that the classes are like what 6 weeks or something? so if the people are weird you are outta there in 6 weeks. so then when it was time to like turn int he paper they were all late with their parts because they all got distracted... I asked them what was going on and they all yelled at me... LOOK YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND, LIZ ITS NASCAR WEEK HERE!!!!!!

yeah you are right i uhmmm don't understand.....whatever. Then there were like you know bossy ones etc..

Oh and I was there when they switched from the hard copy actual books to the ONLINE books and I HATED reading them online. ALso they would always make you do these surveys and weird like downloadable learning module things - those were dumb.


BUT the best part of it was this.... I mean It was like that commercial. You see a person at the zooo on a surfboard in the car wash and she would say " I'm Cleaning My Oven!" that is what UOP was.... You could go to class ANYTIME in any condition ( I earned my degree most of the time in my jammies!!!) and whatever you know? Bill would stay at our shop in San Jose til all hours of the night working and we did not have the kid then so I would be there too and while he was running the power tools or whatever had a customer there til 5 AM I was in the back deep recesses of the shop in a room they used to store cases in that was full of crap and I cleaned it out and made it my little office. It would be freezing I mean just FREEEEEZING and I had my computer, my desk, the giant dog who always slept under the desk warming up my feet, and I had this like goose down green throw blanket that I sort of made into a cape and I would sit there wearing the cape and freezing my ass off, freezing and drinking cup after cup of hot tea (I moved that hot water machine with the big water bottle you know? back there...) and I would just type away and try to ignore the sounds of the band saw or the orbit sander or the compressor or any of those other tools, or some idiot playing SMOKE ON THE WATER reallllly badly as loud as he could,l or Bill blasting some loud really depressing blues music about some guy (some obscure blues guy singing with a name like Bootsie or Stinky or Otis) how they have no bacon no money and the guy's woman left him and he is sad blah blah GAWD....


One funny thing was there was my computer, the water dispenser, the microwave a refrigerator and other crap back there... and there was this space heater we had... and if you ever turned on the microwave (which I did a lot because I LIVED on tea and microwave popcorn) without first turning off THE SPACE HEATER a fuse would blow or something and the whole shop would go dark so it would be like this:
noise noise noise
and then BOOM
and then DARKNESS
then me whispering "uh oh"
then Bill yelling: "GOD BLESS IT LIZ!!!! YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!!!"

He used to get SOOOO mad and I would just be like I KNOW I KNOW I FORGOT AGAIN!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAH Finally we put a BIIIIIG Pink sign that said TURN OFF HEATER BEFORE STARTING MICROWAVE.

HAHAHAHAHAH that was a CRAZY time. Yeah but for like 2 years all I did was type, and drink herbal tea with splenda and eat popcorn in the back of that shop in the teeeeny weeeny little office. It was crappy but it was home.
OH and I had this desk that I got at a used office furniture sale you know? and it was the size of a freaking BUICK and I LOVED IT mostly because it was the desk I finished my Bachelor's on you know? Also I mean it fit the computer and all the rest of my crap and there was still room for my stereo and other stuff... and when we moved after the third robbery, Bill said that we could not take it to Oregon with us and he made me throw it out because it would take up too much room or whatever I mean - it was 4 feet by like 8 feet but I LOVESD that desk so I pitched a bog fit but in the end he was right... BUT he PROMISED he would get me a new desk when we got to Oregon and guess what? He never did.

They are building a new IKEA here in Portland and it will open next month and when it does and then when the house is rebuilt I am going to get a really cool desk and office and stuff and put a sign on the door that says NO BOYS ALLOWED.
 
Tyd,
Finding the perfect desk is hard. When I got a divorce, I had some cash after the sale of the home but certainly not enough cash to buy another house in L.A. So I rented a little, cute apartment at the beach and I could see the sand when I walked out my front door and this was my place to "heal". It was fabulous but I needed to make it look nice. I didn't go Feng Shei (I don't know how to spell that) or anything, but I wanted a haven. And it was pretty small. And I needed a desk. And the desk had to fit in the living room and there was a specific amount of space that it could fit in. So I went desk shopping. I went everywhere and found a whole lot of crappy particle board numbers, or huge office looking things but nothing that would fit in my area. Than one day, I was driving along Pacific Coast Highway and I stopped into this funky furniture store that had neat stuff outside. Like canoes that were turned into bookshelves. I went in and asked the guy about desks and he said that he didn't have any but that I could look through the catalogs and so I did and when I was leafing through the pages I saw a Pottery Barn armoire that I had recently ordered to fit my tv and I said "hey, I just bought that armoire" and he said "well, you shouldn't have because I could have made it for you for half the price". But it was already on the way to my house so I couldn't change that. But what he did do was help me to design a desk that was perfect for me. It is beautiful. I ordered special antique handles for it. I made it so the computer fit underneath and was hidden and so that it had a pull-out keyboard tray. Yet it looks antique and asian. All for $600. Much better than the particle board versions that I was finding all over the place. Who knew that finding a desk would be so hard. I love my desk. I understand why you loved yours so much. A good desk is hard to come by.
 
Hmmm... I had a monster desk I loved too. Got it for $10 when U.S. News & World Report (where my Mom is now Chief of the News Desk) sold all its old furniture and moved into a new building.

This was a huge, old time Editor's desk, kind of like the one you describe Tyd.

But it had to go the way of all flesh when Iplawbaby was on her way and we moved into a new house. I miss it every night when I go to my converted table desk in our basement.
 
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