Osler's Razor

I would ask what list Prof. Bates would be on, but I suspect that is a moot point since everyone knows he already owns a flamethrower.
 

Justice is much easier to render with a flame thrower.
 

Would you let me play with the flamethrower? I promise I hold no grudges for stealing my wallet.

-Goose, who apparently is having problems with his log in
 

I would think I'm trustworthy with any type of armament
 

Yes!!

And when the zombies attack, we shall protect y'all.
 

Ooooh! I LOVE to get to borrow the flamethrower. Very handy when lighting the Virginia Slims...here, hold my AquaNet. (See Footnote)

The CL is a little more subdued when lighting things afire, like, oh, I don't know, reputations, Rotary memberships, judicial appointments...

Footnote: I don't really use AquaNet or smoke, that stuff'll kill you! I'm on the gum.
 

I can envision two appropriate uses for the flamethrower:

1) when Osler uses his "Special" voice on grown ups; and,

2) in convenience stores late night
 

On a totally unrelated note, (Tyd, you will appreciate this) while doing the bath/bedtime routine with the youngest CL children, my 5 year old said, instead of " I have Kung Fu Skills", she said, "I have Skunk Fu Kills" and "tooting skills". Ahh, parenthood. (love that movie, too.)

I guess I have Flamethrower Skillz.
 

Uh-oh... Mrs. CL, I think it can be really dangerous for someone with flamethrower skills to live with someone with "tooting skills." Those toots are flammable!
 

I wouldn't trust me with a flamethrower. Would you?

(Maybe I shouldn't ask this until I see whether you used a flamethrower on my PR exam...)

And really, Oso and I both have upstairs neighbors who should be really glad we don't have flamethrowers right about now, or they would really know about it.

That's a fun word to type. Flamethrower. Flamethrower flamethrower flamethrower... okay, clearly, I'm to the point where I will do just about anything to justify a study break.
 

I'm not upset I'm not on the "people I would trust with a flamethrower" list. But how did I not make the "people I wouldn't lend my flamethrower to" list? I mean, I don't merit a shoutout that I would be unsafe around things that hurl fire?

Then again, if a panda can do it...
 

As you know, flamethrowing is a basic skill required of all Spanish Inquisitioners. We perfected the use of the Ronco Pocket Flamethrower ("Get six different colored fuel cylinders now for same price as three!"), the Ford Pinto (a rolling kind of flamethrower), and backyard gas barbecues ("You never know when you might need some red hot coals--a good inquisitioner must always be prepared!). So I am honored to be on the "not lend" list. I haven't gotten a good compliment like that all day.
 

Obviously, I belong on the "Trust List," as I had the good sense to light the Homecoming Float on fire AFTER the parade, not during the parade.
 

Since we've never actually met, I'm pretty sure that you're not going to give me flamethrower privileges, but as my father once said,"Throw flames first, ask questions later."
 

IPLG-- Don't you already have a flamethrower? Or did you borrow that one?
 

Will you give me flamethrower privileges if i promise not to use it on witnesses who give me answers I don't like?
 

An effective flamethrowing device I have used with much success is an aerosol can and a lighter.

VERY COOL.

But you have to be careful to turn off the lighter and before you stop spraying the aerosol
 

how do i stand with you and flamethrowers?
 

I can imagine Mrs. CL must have MAD flamethrowing skillz...

AQUA NET!!! HAHAHAHA when was the last time I heard of that product...
 

I thought your flame thrower was confiscated after that Taco Bueno victory riot.
 

Do explain.
 

What about me? Huh, Huh? I drink lots of coffee and swear at every driver on the road who I (rightfully) label as an 'idiot'. You can trust me with a flamethrower, at least now that I don't see Trail every morning...really, you can.
 

Tyd - not sure if you are back to watching TV (AI, that is) in the evenings, but if you are, you have to agree that Teri Hatcher IS Michael Jackson (or vice versa).
 

Osler and I share in common our membership in undergrad organizations which set floats on fire. (Unless IPLawGuy makes up the bit about lighting a float on fire...)
 

We need a follow-up post to see who you would trust with a panda.
 

Alan-- He's not making it up... and he did it twice!
 

I concur - I was there - IPLG *did* do so twice!
 

OK, so the original Fat Kenny lit the first float on fire, during the parade. We all like to embellish our memories, over time.
 

What about me- I have proved that I have already mastered the 4 rules of firearms safety, so can I expect an "upgrade" to a flamethrower- the same basic principles would seem to apply.

Chicago
 

I've got some mad chainsawing skills. Would that make me eligible to use a flamethrower??
 

http://www.mlive.com/cgi-bin/prxy/weblog_photos/nph-cache.cgi/cache=3000;/mtlogs/mlive_thebenchwarmer/images/riot.jpg

In this photo we can see Prof. Osler (face blurred) and an unknown adolescent boy celebrating his 1984 Taco Bueno championship over Kathy "the Badger" Osler. Results of his flame throwing are in the background.
 

http://www.mlive.com/cgi-bin/prxy/weblog_photos/nph-cache.cgi/cache=3000;/mtlogs/mlive_thebenchwarmer/images/riot.jpg

sorry, here's that full address
 

arrgh! the whole address won't copy to my comment.
Here's what should come after 'benchwarmer':
/images/riot.jpg

this took just too much work
 

You hyperlink me to DICK CHENEY???? A pox on you and all you represent. For the record, I play for the blue state team (despite the fact I went to Baylor).
 

Tradelawguy-- Here's my reasoning. We know the following facts about you:

1. You want a flamethrower.
2. You drive angry.
3. You live in D.C.

That sounds like Cheney to me!
 

Ahhh, but Cheney does not drive, of that I am sure. Every day between 5:00 and 6:00 I hear the roar of motorcycles and the wail of sirens. Up Connecticut Avenue comes five uniformed secret service motorcycles, followed by two identical armored black limousines, followed by a Suburban, then an ambulance (yes, an ambulance, although it is painted black), and a few more motorcycles. Why, it's Dick Cheney headed home after another grueling day wasting our money. He, however, is not driving the limo - some dude in a dark suit with an earpiece has that honor.

So, I would prefer you link me to some other nut case who wants a flamethrower, lives in DC, and actually does drive angry. Iplawguy perhaps?
 

Tradelawguy-- OK, I guess you aren't Cheney after all. Rats. I changed it...
 

That picture of Cheney at the top of the V.P.'s website reminds me a lot of the picture of Bobby Knight. The satanic smirk that says "Don't screw with me,I can barely keep a grip on my temper... and I have a flamethrower and I'm not afraid to use it"
 

Speaking of flamethrowers:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/al_gore_caught_warming_globe_to

(sorry... I don't know how to make it link)
 

HA!
Browny's doin' a bang up job!
 

Michael Brown!!! Osler, you're killing me here. How about Antonin Scalia, Donald Rumsfeld, that boyish looking dude who used to be head of the Christian Coalition, Lou Dobbs, or any Fox News commentator, since you're out to get me...
 

Since I'm already "qualified" (as in, the Army let me shoot a few but I haven't handled any in four years) to handle a few other weapons, couldn't I be trusted to wield a flamethrower with minimal risk of collateral damage?

Campbell
 

Thank you TT for setting the record kinda straight. But actually, I did it first.

Heres' the chronology of Theta Delt Float fires:

-Homecoming 1979, Theme "The Way We Were": partially burned mysteriously during the night by unknown person or person. Fraternity marches burned hulk through Williamsburg with signs that say "The Way We ARE-- TICKED OFF!"

-Homecoming 1980, Theme "William & Mary Moving Into the 21st Century": Fraternity wins second place for its Nuclear Explosion float, actually designed to look like a nuclear explosion on a football field. Only at about 4 Am did we realize that it ALSO looked like something else....

Anyhow to celebrate, I broke out one of my roman candles and a fireball ACCIDENTALLY hit the float. I admit guilt and get a "written reprimand" in my permanent record.

-Homecoming 1981. Theme "Who's Number 1?" (our opponent, Harvard is the oldest College in the country, W&M is the oldest institution of higher learning if you count its years as an Indian School). This is the year from which all the photos of my car and the guy with the foam hat appear. TT is right, it was Fat Kenny who torched the float.

-Homecoming 1982. I've graduated and the fraternity is banned from the parade and cause a scene anyway by showing up in our pajamas and sitting at the most visible spot on the parade route.
No fires though
 

I would have a lot of use for a flamethrower. I like grilling but don't actually have one in my apartment.

I'm creative with it, you see... which probably means I shouldn't have one.
 

Sheesh, Tradelawguy-- sorry. I finally did a reverse lookup on your IP address, so now I have the right link. Sorry for any confusion.
 

The Prof has not answered re: Thomas, but I wouldn't trust him with a Flamethrower... He'd probably just burn something up so he coul put the whole thing up on YouTube.
 

Oh, and IPLG-- Don't forget the 1985 debacle I got blamed for, where the parade turned around, and then we got banned again.

I admire your cajones in affiliating yourself with an incident involving a "fireball."
 

Ah-HAH! Of course I got the chronology slightly wrong, b/c I didn't joined our esteemed (?) brotherhood until the second half of the 1980-81 school year.

My bad.
 

Flaming phallic symbols vs. a turned around parade... to see Linda Lavin

Yeah, almost as cool.
 

"didn't joined" is what you get...

when you start to write "didn't join" ...

but change your mind to "hadn't joined" WHILE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ORIGINAL THOUGHT.

The more languages I learn, the worse my English gets!!!
 

And stay away from my cojones. Only Iplawife gets to admire those.
 

Would you trust me with a flamethrower? Remember: the Alico building survived the 1953 tornado, but the movie theater across the street didn't.
 

I wouldn't trust myself with a flamethrower.

But would you?

ERhine.
 

Prof Osler, *what* have you got my name linked to???!

I prefer you associate me with one of these Gingers:

http://www.gingerrogers.com/
or
http://www.umm.edu/altmed/articles/ginger-000246.htm

One day, after I graduate, I might make my blog public, and you can link to me there...maybe.
 

What about Beaker? Could he handle a Flamethrower?
 

I have to wonder about it... Especially since I referred to your beloved team as the “Santa Suits.”