Osler's Razor

She was fortunate that Puckett was not wearing his now-defunct house shorts.
 

I am not dead I only feel and seem dead to the observer. I have a cold and I cannot talk. Granite Guys came yesterday to template and they were kind of jerks. Not half as nice as Habib or the wood floor guys. it is done and now we face two weeks with NO KITCHEN and no bathroom sinks. all of our stuff is where it is not supposed to be. I cannot find anything. I am lucky if I can find the van and Spencer and then drive him to preschool.

Anyone who is considering this whole house remodel thing? Seriously. Don't. After like 9 weeks of this I am losing my complete mind. There is crap everywhere. I HATE Home Depot. There are chunks of wall missing. we eat on the patio every night under the Egyptian garage. Our new back neighbors - this really OLD couple - keep telling us to take the "tent" down, and give us a new lame excuse every day. The las one was that where they lived before in CT there was a huge CIRCUS fire and a lot of people died.
I called the city and we are not violating any code. They also complain a lot about the other neighbor's dog and the LOUD LAWN MOWER of someone else. They are going to start doing a lot of complaining to "the authorities."

Lady, I brush my teeth in a Jacuzzi tub everyday, I have no downstairs bathroom, and only the sink in the laundry room. I wore my CROCS to a job interview recently because those were the only shoes I could find and I have Habib calling everyday telling me new slate he has found that would look "incredible" in my master bathroom, but it MIGHT be a "LITTLE EXPENSIVE." I am living on Lean Cuisine, yesterday Spencer ripped my new Vanity Fair to shreds, my in laws are coming for two weeks and soon I also have a date with twelve three year olds armed with ICE CREAM and CAKE. BRING IT ON.
 

"now-defunct house shorts"

That's fantastic. I've been looking for a way to describe my fraying tennis shorts from 1996.

-B
 

How did Puckett's shorts become "defunct?"

[and how interesting to have a whole conversation about Puckett's shorts!]
 

Well, it all started with a small hole in the vicinity of a back pocket. Then, he stepped through it. What followed was weeks of walking around with a foot-long hole on the back of him flapping about until he found just the right pair of replacement house shorts. The old ones are now being dived at by a Waco homeless person.
 

Tyd-- You have an Egyptian garage? What the heck is that? Is it shaped like a pyramid?
 

Tyd--
When I was twelve, and Millard Fillmore was still president of the USA, my mother decided she wanted to remodel the interior of the house by installing a new grand staircase re-connecting the first and second floors of our old Victorian house (built 1895) which had been converted into a duplex by some mindless owner back in the thirties.

Our house looked like it had been bombed for about six months. I grew to like plaster dust on my Cheerios, and my friends thought my hair (I had hair then) was turning prematurely gray. We couldn't wash clothes (or dishes) for about a week while the water was off to re-route the plumbing in one of the bathrooms. The kitchen didn't have a floor--at all. We used an aluminum ladder to get to the second floor for almost a month.

My mother cried the day the carpenter removed a wall and left two feet of debris all over the diningroom floor.

The only consolation I can offer is that eventually the mess will go away and you will have a new house. Be strong.
 

HEy you guys have cheered me up a LOT!!! Sorry I complain so much.


Fat Kenny - I explained what an Egyptian Garage was in an earlier comment But I think I can tell you now...Gawd its going to be a lot of explaining....

go to this site

http://www.portablegaragedepot.com

and search under
10x20 All Purpose 6 Leg Canopy

even though ours has sides too. and windows. My former boss called these Egyptian Garages because he thought they were hysterically funny when he lived in Egypt for 4 years while working for GM. Everyone there uses them as their garage.

We got ours because we looked at these elegant cabana type Gazebo things such as this one... go to:

http://www.target.com

and look under:

Sean Conway™ Tiverton 2007 Gazebo


But these do not hold up well in the Oregon rain. A lot of people have them here and at first they look elegant and gorgeous and after a year in the rain they look weird and ratty. Then while at Costco we had an epiphany - they had these Egyptian Garages and I KNEW it would hold up in the rain!!! so we got that and put it up in our back yard to keep the rain away and the goofy old lady neighbor does not like it.


Medievalist: Plaster dust in your Cheerios!!!!! AWESOME!!! Very high in fiber. You have truly reached out and given me hope over the internet that my Home Depot Nightmare will soon be over. I have never had to use a ladder yet and that is relief. I know I will like the house it is done. SOmehow we are all surviving but I am on a short fuse some days and when that lady starts in with the circus fire of 1944......
SO thanks for getting me thru this part.


ALso to Mrs Celeb Luvr I have been meaning to email you. She and I lead somewhat parallel lives, as we both have Ummm.... toilet challenged three year olds. SHe seems MUCH better at momhood than I am.


Osler I know you had a terrible day. But your blog ROCKS.. so don;t worry. They will be fake fighting each other like pros in no time. Too bad you could not clone yourself with Legos like in California.
 

An aluminum ladder to get upstairs? That sounds WAY COOL!