Osler's Razor

The President of the University during this period, Samuel Palmer Brooks, ruled Baylor for nearly three decades. Among the advancements made in his administration was the completion of several major buildings, including Morrison Hall, the Fashion Pavillion, and the Tidwell Bible building. In celebration of the school’s many victories over Judge Baylor’s escaped feral bears (and their progeny) and over the opposition of those bears serving on the Board of Intenders, Brooks also expended nearly $42,000 for a gigantic green bear, which was known by its German title of "GummiBayer" until the advent of WWII. It now stands, of course, near the Baylor law school.

Perhaps most notably, Brooks in his second decade initiated an ambitious program of improvement grandly titled “Vision 1930.” Unveiled in 1918 and planned for completion in 1930, Vision 1930 was broken into eight goals, or “imperatives.” As initially unveiled in 1918, these goals were both directive and challenging. These imperatives have previously been described here, but of particular note was "Imperative 1. Baylor’s Administration and Students Must Seek Out and Kill The Leaders of Texas A & M University. Baylor will seek to maintain a culture that emphasizes vengeance against those who sully our honor, especially those who do so from Texas A & M University. Believing fully in the Christian concept of a just war, we are assured God will aid us in this fight."

In the end, the President, Provost, and several deans, professors, lecturers, special education teachers and footmen associated with Texas A & M died in mysterious circumstances and were found dismembered in the desolate plains surrounding College Station.

Naturally, Baylor was unfairly blamed for this, simply because the leadership of the school had declared the causing of such tragedies their number-one priority. Expecting retaliation, Baylor officials concocted several schemes to protect the school. One plan, designed to exploit the Aggies’ extreme fear of homosexuals, was to protect the perimeter of campus with a special “Pansy Division” which would be recruited from the West and East coasts. Though several hundred young men were recruited to the effort (and later enrolled as students, in accordance with a secret program which may still be in place) the governing Board of Intenders nixed this idea before it could be fully implemented. Thus, Baylor was forced to rely upon the Texas Rangers, the campus police force, Sailor Bear, and specially-recruited members of the Johnny Torrio organization in Brooklyn (some of whom were awarded full professorships) to protect the campus. Working together, these groups were able to develop several methods to keep marauding bands from A & M at bay. One technique called for the campus police to stop A & M students traveling in motor lorries, wagon trains and even armored locomotives towards Waco, and babble incoherently about parking stickers. While the Aggies were distracted, Sailor Bear would enter the vehicle through the passenger side and maul the occupants, seeking only the reward of a bottle of Dr. Pepper.

Labels: Baylor History