Wednesday, December 20, 2006

 

Perhaps I should have thought that through a little more...



I'm in Texarkana, Texas, having driven for about five hours in thick traffic. Now, five hours isn't that bad, but I made two poor decisions prior to setting off:

1) Playing 29 consecutive games of foosball without a break last night.
2) Eating a full size Vitek's BBQ Gut Pack right before leaving.

The gut pack had predictable results. The foosball... I know many will scoff at the idea of a foosball "injury," even if it does result from 2.5 hours of continuous play. And no, I don't have a typical sports injury like a torn rotator cuff, ACL tear, or the oft-cited "groin injury." My rotator cuff, ACL, and groinal region are all fine. Instead, the problem is an odd stiffness of the neck so that I can only be comfortable looking to the right at a 45-degree angle while bending forward slightly. Apparently, this was caused by spending 2.4 of those 2.5 watching Bates handle the ball in the forward position (the other .1 hour was mostly me watching the ball sail past my poorly-positioned goalie).

Any ideas on how to cure this malady?

Comments:
get younger
 
I'd go with a Shih Tzu massage. I don't know exactly how it's done, but I believe they just rub a small furry dog all over you.

I don't really understand it, but people seem to be on board with it.
 
I spent three nights in jail the last time I paid someone to rub a small furry dog on me.
 
Did you cut your hair, or are you stuffing it all up in your hat like Charlie Daniels in "Uneasy Rider"? You are travelling in the South, so I guess it makes sense.

Or is that photo just too dark to show your hair?
 
There are several remedies--none of which have anything to do with driving long distances, though:

1. A large glass of iced Jack Daniels--taken internally, of course (just the JD, don't take the ice of the glass internally because they will laugh at you in the emergency ward)

2. Shih Tze method combined with a couple of tylenol (again, only take the Tylenol--you rub the dog over your neck.

3. A foot massage--you work out the details on that one.

4. Watching Marx brothers movies--you will soon forget your neck hurts.

5. Ben Gay (no explanation forthcoming.)
 
Pass gas. A lot.

I don't know how to solve the foosball injury, though.
 
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