Osler's Razor

I need someone to snap the legs onto Barbie dolls. It pays .11 dollars an hour. The only problem is that it is in China...
 

I used to work at a major video store chain's corporate headquarters in the marketing dept and though it was so much fun,the thing that really convinced me to leave were two things; 1) last year at this time there were 32 people in my dept and now so many have left there are only 8. 2)We recently got a memo that was like "DO NOT PANIC if you see FOR LEASE signs... we are only leasing out the first floor." The handwriting was, literally, on the wall. SO I left a really fun job with crappy pay to go to this one that pays like twice as much.

I now work for a company that sells Risk Management software. It helps companies keep track of things like COIs, hazardous materials, worker training so they do not get injured. It is a very good job, and I lived through four interviews to get it.

SO, sigh, I will stay for a while to give it a chance at this company, which I have now named DUNDER MIFFLIN after the only show I really watch on TV called THE OFFICE. I have also made up very immature secret names for all who work there. The person I have the most contact with is R2D2, the nerd with the binary clock who named his son Luke after Star Wars. I call him R2 because I only understand about 48% of what he says. He writes code all day, I don't think he can help it.

I will spend this week learning all about the ins and out of of Risk Management and thinking up other secret names. I also like to make a lot of stupid lists...Like which cartoon characters might be gay.

As you can see, I have a rich inner life.

How long can it really last anyway? They are insisting that we all bring our families - even our children - to this Holiday dinner on Dec 16th. They KNOW my son is 2 and a half and likes to SCREAM out things like "MOMMY THIS IS DELICIOUS!" in the middle of restaurants. After three hours in a French Restaurant with Spencer I am sure I will be canned anyway.
 

I have a really cool Optomotrist uncle who lives in Portland. I'm sure if you didnt want to forge some fake Eye degree you could get on as a secretary. Might not pay as much but you'd get to wear scrubs and hand out those tinted plastic sheets they use for dialted eye protection.

P.S. I'm not joking.
 

I have a client that makes and sells high end chocolates in Portland. They have locations there and in Chicago and San Francisco. They're very delicious
 

I am going to give this job like three weeks. If I STILL cannot stand it after that, I will find you guys. I swear this is the latest email I got from the owner - He is really into like Stephen Covey and those inspirational posters and stuff...

"I bought a faucet the other day and put it in. It was easy, simple and intuitive. This makes plumbers jobs easier and more than likely why they recommended this type of faucet to me. Similarly, our software needs to be designed like this… to enable ease of use and intuitive migration! This will crate momentum in sales without our involvement."

Yeah, ok.
 

Your boss sounds like kind of a drip.

Har har har.