Tuesday, July 22, 2025
College Football Update!
It's July, and that means people like me are thinking about college football already! Below I have an update on some of my favorite teams:
University of Minnesota:
With cutbacks across the country on health care provision, the University of Minnesota has returned to using Goldy Gopher to directly inject students with medication, including members of the football team. This could be a good thing, especially if the offensive line can come together when properly medicated:
Northwestern Wildcats:
Willie the Wildcat... is it just me or does he always just look stoned? I mean, is this guy really going to inspire his team? Sounds like another down year for the Mildcats if Willie doesn't get his act together.
University of Michigan:
I'm a huge Michigan fan, and always have been. Which makes it all the more disappointing that they don't even have a mascot. It's right there to be taken, guys-- an angry wolverine with nothing to lose! But no. Which means it will be another disappointing year for Michigan on the gridiron.
Vanderbilt:
The Commodores at least HAVE a mascot, Mr. C, which means they will be better than Michigan at football. Still, he isn't so bubbly or interesting, and comes off the loser when compared to the WKU Red Blob thing:
