Thursday, October 30, 2008


Panda Mayhem Thursday with Guest Blogger Grar the Panda

Me Grar, Panda of zoo in Washington. Before election talk, Grar make list of things good to eat:

1) Bamboo
2) Good tasting residents of Woodley Park area
3) Shirts
4) Sticks
5) McDonald's Sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddle
F) Paper box
G) Long grass
8) Hot Pockets
9) Taco Bueno Crunchy Taco
10) Bamboo
11) Pop Tart

Now is talk of politics. My opponent, Argbf, would be terrible president. He take all your money, and eat it. He eat money. Then he take your mate and take her to his cage to live. Redistributer! If Argf win election, life end as we know it. Grar must win. Grar is Giant Maverick Panda! If Grar win, biggest pandas get more bamboo, and maybe they give some to you, or end of it fall off, and you go grab it. It be good for growth and fatness. We all grow and eat and then the mating and the cubs. Grar love cubs! Argf ambivalent about cubs, and he socialist. He kissing Marx! Ha ha!

Grar best for president! Argbf end world through inexperience.

I thought all pandas were Chinese, and I'm pretty sure the nice man from down the street who drives the delightful pickup with the Confederate naval ensign decal on the back told me that all the Chinese were communists... hm....
I can't believe Grar is claiming to be a maverick. He supported the Rrrgf administration 90% of the time, and is proposing the same economic plan that got us into this mess.
I'm pretty sure pandas don't eat people.
Does Grar have a health care plan?
What would Grar do with regard to off-shore drilling?
Grar drilling plan:

1) Kill stupid polar bears
2) Drill in ground
3) Buy more food.
Aww Grar is soooo cute, he has my vote!
Why do Pandas, despite their obvious linguistic talents on display in this post, have such ridiculous names?
Let me provide a rebuttal to my opponent Grar's vicious and unnecessary, and frankly racist, attacks. I am not a socialist. Nor a communist. I just support giving every Panda whatever they need at any time, and I support the Panda Council providing it.

A Panda needs more bamboo. I will provide more bamboo!

The tree where a Panda lives gets destroyed by lightning. I will provide a new tree!!

A Panda can't find work just being cute. I will find a Disney movie for each and every Panda to be cute in!!!

Oh, and I'm going to do all this while using less bamboo!!!!

How will I do this you ask. How is all this possible? Don't worry about it. It is magic. Grar doesn't believe in magic because he is old and senile.

From each according to his abilities, to each according to his need!

Oh, and let me preemptively point out that if Grar attempts to paint this last comment as marxist, communist or socialist or some such other nincampoopery, then such attacks are dirty, unprecedented, racist, and ridiculous.

Thank you for blindly supporting the stripping of your individualism and your submission to the Panda overlords!

I have spent some time with pandas, and I think the names come from the fact that they cannot speak standard English, and instead growl things like "Grar," and "Argbf," and "Rrrgg." They want a name they can actually say.

Fortunately, they are better when given the chance to type out their thoughts.
Where's the Taco Bueno in DC?????? Oh yeah, there isn't one.
I would take issue with Grar's food listing. I think the proper listing of best food is as follows:

1) Blue Bell ice cream
2) Maria's breakfast burritos
3) Grilled steak
4) Fresh salmon
5) Katie's custard
6) Bamboo
7) Paper box
8) Taco Bueno crunchy tacos
9) Roasted chicken
10) Mashed potatoes
Oh, and...
11) Good tasting residents of Woodley Park area
argf, although I like your Disney plan, I would need to see a picture depicting your cuteness before I could switch my endorsement. Preferably one of you with a baby Panda...awww, that would do it, yep.

DC= No Bueno.
does grar have a moose killing running mate? does this running mate look like a comedian on panda night live? if so, i just don't see myself supporting grar because the comedian is smarter than the real running mate.
Oh good. I'm glad the good-tasting residents of Woodley Park area are last on the food list. That's my stomping grounds, and I don't want to run into a hungry panda on the loose.

Seriously, I think bamboo should be first on the list. Those pandas are bamboo-eating machines. I bet they eat a whole bamboo forest in a day.
Grar will lose to Coco, too.

- President Bunny
...please where can I buy a unicorn?
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