Osler's Razor

I had no intention of seeing the new movie adaptation of the Andrew Lloyd Webber stage musical "Cats" until the reviews came out-- the fascinating, awful, terrifying reviews. One said that "Cats" is like "stumbling upon an unholy and heretofore unknown genre of porn." Another, by Alisdair Duncan at the Pedestrian website, is worthy of a full quote:

Some of the cats in this film walk around fully nude and unashamed, shaking their fuzzy human-shaped boobs and flaunting their smooth crotches. A few of them get to wear shoes for some reason, and Mr. Mistoffelees spends most of the film Donald Duck-ing it in a jacket and no pants.

Judi Dench‘s character Old Deuteronomy wears an elaborate fur coat, but this raises even more questions, like where the %$@& does fur even come from in the Cats cinematic universe? Did she kill and skin another cat and then wear it as a display of dominance? That’s a film I’d like to watch.

In one particularly upsetting scene, Rebel Wilson‘s Jennyanydots unzips her skin and tosses it aside to reveal a jazzy purple outfit underneath. Are her clothes somehow fused with her body? Does she wear them all the time? Wouldn’t that start to chafe after a while? Can other cats shed their skin, too?

Sorry, but I have even more questions. Is there some kind of hierarchy or caste system that determines which cat gets to wear what? Are the collared cats participating in some kind of weird S&M game with the fully clothed ones? All this is making my head hurt, so I’m just not going to think about it anymore.

Anyways, let's haiku about this whole mess! Are you going to see "Cats?" If so, why? And what is it that is so creepy about this whole thing?

Here, I will go first:

I must be honest:
Cats are creepy anyways
But this is scary!

Now it is your turn! Just use the 5/7/5 syllable pattern, and have some fun!