Osler's Razor

Whatever backstory, it must be a good one, preferably cat friendly...Kitty doesn't have a mouth!! I wonder if she has claws.
 

Miaou!
 

Anon., what is that? What cats say in Bulgaria or something?
 

She stood in front of the seedy tattoo parlour. A man in a sleeveless ribbed t-shirt and sporting a gold tooth stared back at her. On his biceps a scantily clad mermaid and the word "Myrtle" in bold red ink underneath her stared too.She daintily flicked her cigarette holder and the wind took the gray ash and scattered it liberally. "C'mon in," said the man with the tattoo,"I don't bite." "Whatta shame," said she,lazily, adjusting an errant scarlet brassiere strap to its rightful position. The man with the tattoo lifted one shaggy blonde eyebrow. "I wanta Japanese cat with a pink hairbow on my tush,and make it snappy!" said She. He mixed her an incredibly dry martini with jumbo olives and set about his task. Whenever the pain became too much for her,she would yowl like a Siamese in heat. And then put on new lipstick...red. He found himself comforting her by patting her silken hair and singing "Melancholy Baby" in a quavering tenor. She looked at him,her large blue eyes watering over. When he had finished,he poured her another martini and held a cracked silver mirror for her to admire her newly painted derriere. "Gee thanks," she said,her lip trembling. At the sight of her tears,his heart marshmallowed and he began to touch her hair. Their eyes met as she looked up,and so did their lips. "Baby,you are somethin' else!" he said. Her red lips made their own bow,when he said this. "What's your name,Sweetheart?" "Kitty," she said. "Well---Hel-lo,Kitty!" he said,whistling. Chapter 2 "Myrtle."
 

I'm not surprised that "Good-bye Myrtle" never really took off...
 

Myrtle was known for her deep chocolate baritone. She could make a man melt just by calling his name. Many men were known to develop incurable amnesia from that mere act of summoning,and so,she used to carry a pad and paper with her whenever she went out. This was not a very efficient means of getting someone's attention...but at least there was a chance they might remember who she was later. And Myrtle was memorable. For one thing,she prided herself on the luxuriant growth of her leg hair. You see,as a small child, Myrtle had read the story of the prophet,Samson,and then and there she resolved to never cut the hair on her legs lest it impair her strength as a woman. And never let it be said that Myrtle was not a style maven,for occasionally she would braid three or four of the longer hairs together and fasten a significant silver charm to it with an attractive twisty-tie from a bread wrapper. This made a shiny twinkling effect ,particularly when she walked in a breeze. This drew many men to her,as did her voice,until they got closer and noticed the hair and the twisty-ties. Herein lie the problem: Myrtle needed a man sorely,but since she was morally opposed to cutting her leg hair,she never could. One day,as she was waiting by the docks for a shipment of significant silver charms to come in,she was approached by a man with enormous biceps,a sleeveless t-shirt and a gold tooth. "I've been following you for miles.There was an intriguing twinkling going on beneath your skirts,and I had to see what was the cause." Myrtle began to blush rose,and a sniggle of icy fear palpitate in her heart. He like all the other men in her past would be repulsed by her leg hair. He knelt down and began to play with the little charms! She found the action strangely stimulating. My dear would you let me give into a strange obsession I seem to have?" he queried. Myrtle,grateful now,that the burly gold-toothed gentleman had not run off,said,"of course!" Out of his pocket he drew a Gillette After a razor. Myrtle at this point had her eyes closed in a swoon of ecstasy,and so did not see the demise of her stylish look and the hairs of her strength! She was putty in his hands. A sailor from the crow's nest of a nearby ship saw what was happening and came to Myrtle's defense as quickly as he could A fight ensued and as the burly man groaned from the shore in a disheveled bed of bodily grief,only to see Myrtle high-tailing it over the countryside with the sailor,he could only muster two words,"Goodbye,Myrtle!"
 

And so Myrtle was left with a sailor and a handful of significant silver charms and the words,"Goodbye Myrtle" ringing in her her head. Myrtle having lost her leg hair was in a state of unworkable weakness. It would be months before her leg hair would grow to the appropriate length. And the sailor made only a pittance at his craft,since few merchants were willing to pay him for the sheer pleasure of sailing. As her leg hair began to grow Myrtle decided to sell her charms under the name,"Goodbye Myrtle." But the sailor's kisses blinded her to the fact that she required a copyright on her brand name. Thus another Myrtle was able to name her maple bacon and beer sticky buns,"Goodbye Myrtle" and so the mode of wearing leg charms on braided leg hair was lost to posterity and Myrtle and the sailor (who by now couldn't remember a doggone thing) died penniless in each other's arms with leg hair of an enviable length.
 

She's really the band Nazareth on a frolic and detour.

PS: when I was in 9th grade, our history teacher asked what city Jesus was from, and gave the hint "It's the name of a cheesy 80s band." Someone actually yelled out "White Snake" and meant it.
 

Jessica, that's why I love Pine Bush.
 

... and Myrtle.