Sunday, August 04, 2013
Sunday Reflection: Rainwalker
This week, I returned from a six-week stint of teaching in Rome.
I taught a class in comparative sentencing at John Cabot University, and had students from eight different law schools from across the United States. I loved teaching the class, and it was fascinating to have students from such different places. Italians were uniformly kind to me despite my poor language skills, and the art and history of the city is remarkable.
Still, it was a very hard summer. I'm a bad fit for Italy, which is a city of gregarious people who have built a culture around sitting around talking with people they may or may not know. They buy coffee and drink it at the counter, engaging in animated conversation with whoever else wanders in at the same time. As an introvert who doesn't speak the language, though, this was isolating. The effects of the financial crisis in Italy seem to have hit Rome pretty hard, too-- it seems to be a dirtier and more dangerous place than the last time I was there, in 1995.
Almost from the start, I knew it was going to be a challenge. I found myself uncharacteristically negative about things. I fantasized about leaving early.
There was one moment, standing under a tree waiting out a rainstorm, that I noticed the guy pictured above. He was making the best of it: He put a plastic bag over his head and made a break for it, stomping in puddles on his way just for fun. He was having a lot more fun than I was, huddled under the tree.
In the end, that is how I made it through, more or less.
It was a worthwhile summer in terms of realizing things about myself. I know now that I am not meant to be an expatriate. I realize that I don't adjust well to abrupt cultural change. I sometimes struggle to find meaning where it should be easy.
Part of it, too, was a faith challenge. I can't remember the last time I went for six weeks without going to church, but today will be my first time in two months. There was something about the enormity of churches in Rome that pushed me away, I suppose. God speaks to me in quiet, usually, or through simple things. The frescoes and sculptures and grand scale of the (often empty) churches in Rome seemed alien to my soul. Nothing sang out to me, nor did I sing out to God.
The problem wasn't Rome. The problem was me. But now I have to change that, and rebuild.
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I remember those intimidating cavernous churches in Rome, monuments of the rich and powerful worshiping the altar of God the Interventionist. The God that wiped away all transgressions with the brushes of Giotto, Uccello and Michelangelo. I know it sounds strange but if one were to have a faith challenge, Rome and the Vatican are perfect places to prompt it.
You may or may not be meant to be an expatriate, but not for any of the reasons you list. Take it from this expatriate, even though I am American through and through...like them Romans (the old ones) said it all so well “ubi bene ibi patria.”
You may or may not be meant to be an expatriate, but not for any of the reasons you list. Take it from this expatriate, even though I am American through and through...like them Romans (the old ones) said it all so well “ubi bene ibi patria.”
I have had similar challenges, though not on this scale this particular summer.
Why do we fail to do the things we know will nourish our souls?
And what is this odd dichotomy where introverts, when cut off from others, flounder? How is it that we both need people and are dragged down by them?
Why do we fail to do the things we know will nourish our souls?
And what is this odd dichotomy where introverts, when cut off from others, flounder? How is it that we both need people and are dragged down by them?
You would think that having a good excuse not to engage in small talk and such, not having the social demands that you have in the states, that this freedom would nourish introverts like us. But I know that is often not the case.
I hope that now that you are home you will find the balance you seek. Be it with church, family, writing or quite reflection in nature.
Don't give up on Rome, visit again when you are in the right frame of mind to enjoy all the chaos and life of this ancient city.
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Don't give up on Rome, visit again when you are in the right frame of mind to enjoy all the chaos and life of this ancient city.
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