Rants, mumbling, repressed memories, recipes, and haiku from a professor at the University of St. Thomas Law School.
Monday, September 12, 2011
We have a winner!
I will admit that it was a virtual tie this week between B, IPLawGuy, Megan Willome, and Renee. B's did something we see once in a while in haiku, tell a whole sad story, and he did it with elegance and efficiency:
boring afternoons
I hated Tom and Jerry
dad still doesn't know.
(I hope his dad doesn't read the blog)
Here was Renee's haiku:
Never caught,swift bird
Chased by Wil.E.Coyote.
Acme anvil aids.
Isn't that lovely? I love the use of "swift bird...."
Megan's got me just because of the subject matter:
Dumb Donald, Mushmouth,
Weird Harold, Bill, Russell,
Rudy, Fat Albert.
Ah, and then we have IPLawGuy. Here was his winner, which introduced me to a world I did not know:
Tobor the 8 Man
Magic Cigarettes for Strength!
was that RRL?
And now, the bio:
IPLawGuy was born in 1961 in a small town in Iowa. His parents were both word farmers, and he attributes his fascination with trade names to their bountiful harvests and endless games of Scrabble.
At a very young age, IPLG moved with his family to the suburbs of Washington DC. At least they thought that "Anacostia" was a suburb; it hand a nice-sounding name. While exploring an open-air radioactive waste dump as part of a 7th-grade field trip, IPLG was bitten in the wrist by a radioactive rat. It was only the intercession of his Timex watch that saved him from certain death. Still, he was thereafter always different.
While the rat bite did not give him the ability to fly, IPLG was briefly convinced that he had the power to become invisible. However, he realized that so long as he was wearing clothes, he could be spotted, so he attended middle school naked. Sadly, he was wrong in thinking that the rat bite had given him the power of invisibility, resulting in quite the social debacle.
Fortunately, the predictable mutation was perhaps better for IPLG and the world than flying or invisibility. The rat bite, through the Timex trademark, gave him an innate sense of Intellectual Property issues and a wonderful adaptability, both of which have served him well. However, he does not attend middle school reunions.
I'm confused--if IPLG acquired his powers from a radioactive rat bite, why is it that he does not have rat powers (super scurrying?). Spider-Man, after all, got his powers from a spider bite, and all of his powers are spidery...
ReplyDeleteAlso, even if he does not have totally awesome rat powers, why does he sport the "beaming broccoli" on his super-suit? I know his parents were farmers, but come on.
Finally, are "IPLG," "IPLawGuy" and the "Beaming Broccoli" trademarked? If not, dibs.
I am surprised that his family as word framers moved to DC. I would have thought they would have wanted to raise their family in Conjunction Junction.
ReplyDelete@tydwbleach--Conjunction Junction is a GREAT place to live. We're "hookin' up words and phrases and clauses".
ReplyDeleteActually, there is a big problem with Conjunction Junction after the big accident there... huge collision, and spilling of poisonous rancor.
ReplyDeleteNo, actually we cleaned that up....shhhh...don't tell...we put it in Lake Waco.
ReplyDeleteThat certainly explains some things I heard at Baylor, then.
ReplyDeleteThat sort of surprises me, b/c Baylor seems to be out of the loop of what is happening in the actual world (including Waco). Luckily, the folks of Conjunction Junction don't really have to deal with that--we just utilize the lake for dumping poisonous rancor.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but that is the water everyone drinks!
ReplyDeleteHey! I thought this was a secure site! The people of Conjunction Junction are going to be extremely upset with me. Plus don't you folks up there in the land of paradise have amazing drinking water that comes out of some waterfall from the heavens?
ReplyDeleteNo, our water is brought from Hudson Bay by Elf-led Moose caravans in oak-lined vats.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, Ozarka is from Arkansas. That always kind of scared me.
I drank the water in Lake Waco, which drove me to medical marijuana and my desire to steal a child and name it after three cars. This is why I had to move to oregon. Much easier to accomplish these things here. Would it be possible for IPLAWGUY to move his Pod in teh Sky to Portland?
ReplyDeleteSHhh do not tell anyone but Spencer is actually Dick Vitale's love child. I stole him. That explains why his first words were: “You'd have to live in a cave not to know about the Carrier Dome. It put Syracuse on the map.”