Osler's Razor

Do you have any clue as to how to clean and quarter a raccoon?
 

Hmmm... good question.
 

Treat it like a chicken. (Aside from the whole plucking part - you would just remove the pelt.) Split it down the back, butterfly and then quarter. It is quite easy. All you need is a cleaver and a good boning knife. I recommend Wustoff.

Friend from Tennessee
 

IPL - my neighbor does. I think it is a staple in her kitchen.
I don't eat there very often.
 

My chow-chow, Sadie, insists that I share her squirrel recipe.

1 squirrel, caught and killed

Enjoy!
 

I am so horrified.
We do not eat those that are cuter than us. No. No.
 

I thought this post was a joke. Like the tuna thing you posted that one time.

Then I looked it up.

No way.

Apparently, you can barbecue the things.

I've always known that Tennessee was home to heretics that barbecue inferior meats like pork, and use that god-awful Memphis-style sauce... but raccoon? This right here is the bridge too far.
 

Lane,
For as long as I have read this blog, I have equally agreed and disagreed with you but have never made a comment either way. However, you have gone to far with your critical remarks about Tennessee barbeque. Pulled pork is heaven on a plate and is the only true barbeque. As for the sauce - what can you mean by that? Would you rather have KC Masterpiece? Texas brisket is not barbeque. It is roast beef with sauce and is an abomination. Call a spade a spade and just serve it with mashed potatoes and gravy.
Denise (Friend from Tennessee)
 

Uh, oh.
It's on now.
Did she just call brisket an "abomination?"
 

Denise,

As you no doubt possess a misguided loyalty to Tennessee, not having followed the stellar example of your countryman Davy Crockett, I must take up my educator's hat and inform the world of the blasphemy against the good name of barbecue that is pork, pulled or otherwise.

Barbecue is a rich tradition in the South, where people too poor to afford good cuts of meat had to invent special ways of cooking terrible cuts to make the palatable. Thus, the "pork ribs," long considered offal, were slow-smoked in pits dug in the ground, much in the fashion of the Carribean islanders from whom many Southern slaves were descended.

When this method of cooking made it to Northern Mexico and Texas, hogs were in short supply, but there was plenty of toughy and stringy beef to be cooked in this fashion. Thus was developed the mesquite-fired Texas pit, along the high plains of West Texas, and to this day, it remains the only true form of cooking barbecue. Neither the Old Country styles of Central Texas, nor the more Southern styles of East Texas can compare.

And as such, a "cowboy-cooked brisket," being fork-tender and perfectly prepared with a flavorfol and aromatic "dry rub," is the highest expression of the barbecuer's art.

Memphis, being the most iconic of the Southern sauces (leaving aside one I think we both hold in equal disdain, that overly-sweet crap that flows from Kansas City), is heavily tomato-based and contains no small amount of vinegar, giving it quite a tang, usually balanced with a bit of honey or other sweetener. This works well on the pork ribs, because ribs need a good glycemic glaze to avoid losing their tenderness.

Brisket, on the other hand, will be moistened by its own dissolving fat and connective tissue, or not at all, which is why it is more difficult, and more rewarding, to prepare. Thusly, we may not pollute a finely-smoked brisket with sauces that are too tomatoey or vinegary; no acid is needed to counterbalance the prevailing sweetness of the sugar.

To that end, the only true barbecue sauce, a fine Texas red, will contain mainly red chilis, other assorted peppers, the ground seeds of the cumin plant, black pepper and onions. It is a sauce fit to make grown men cry; it will not coddle the tastebuds over overpower the natural flavor the meat, but enhance them with purifying flame.

Should you ever endeavor to cross the barren wastelands that is Arkansas and enter the great Lone Star State, I shall make it a personal mission to persuade you of the rightness and goodness of the cause of brisket, if not by taking you to one of Texas' many fine restaurants, then by retiring to my smoker myself to prepare one in the way of my ancestors.
 

Ginger -
They are not cute. Ok the baby in the picture is cute.

They are dirty little bandits (see mask around eyes - very appropo. Generally well fed because the steal. We had a big, bold, fat, lazy racoon that came every evening (early - before dark) and ate the cat food. They run through people's gardens and strip the corn off the stalk before it is ripe.
cute....

cook on, just don't invite me to dinner.
 

Lane, from you invoking Davy Crockett right down to your detailed discussion of Texas BBQ sauce, that was pretty awesome. Nicely played.

Oh, and bottom line, whoever makes the best BBQ, I know Texas has the best chili.
 

But Christine...look into his eyes. Awwww.

Ha ha! :D
 

Mark,
Your recipe forgot the final, most important, ingredient-- a series of rabies treatments.
In the case of Lane v. Denise, having sampled the finest of Texas and Memphis and Southeastern BBQ, I rule in favor of Denise. Additionally, I now view brisket as communist fare.
 

Being that my people are experts in pork, I feel qualified to weigh in. It's hard to bring myself to say it, but I agree with Lane. Much like the people of Tennessee, I emigrated to Texas "as soon as I could" and was pleased to discover that Texas religion includes, among football, Barbecue. With good reason, as a good brisket is truly heaven sent. Texas wins, hands down.
 

Lenin loved brisket. He even declared that guy from Stubbs to be a "Hero of the Proletariat."
 

For me, I love Virginia BBQ-- especially Pierce's Pit, which was outside of Williamsburg. Pulled pork, sweet sauce, fat Sophomores.
 

I'm switching sides to the anti-brisket contingent for two reasons:

1. Who cares? This is just a nomenclature question. I don't care whether brisket is BBQ or not. I know it is delicious. And I don't care if Tennessee BBQ is delicious or not, because it still isn't Texas and therefore it has inherent limitations.

2. However, I'm joining up with the pro-tomato and vinegar legions from the north because Dallas ADA is pro-brisket, and as we discovered last week he is a fascist. And if there is one thing I'm clearly against it is fascism.

Go pork!
 

I might occasionally dabble in the mustard-based sauces of North Carolina... but Virginia? Unfit for serving to raccoons before those raccoons are fed to Tennesseeans.

Barbecue of all sorts is proletarian meat. It is the sup of working peoples throughout the American South and Southwest, the meals made from necessity on the range, the farm, or in neighborhoods not served by gourmet cooks. Texas barbecue is more than just a noble art, it is a representation of our people's working class spirit, which eschews the "finer things" of the world for a simple, honest, and protein-filled meal that says, "my arteries may be clogging, but I will die a happy man." It is the meat which says, "our oppressors may dine on tenderloin cooked in a red wine reduction with a green pepper demiglaze and mushrooms cooked in a sherry and butter reduction, but we, we will dine on slow-smoked brisket with a side of beans!"

I should be a barbecue evangelist, traveling the country, having tent revivals, and getting people to renounce pork and all its works.
 

Lane,
Thank you for your response and zeal for educating me on the history of barbeque. More so, thank you for your offer to show me real Texas barbeque at its best.

One tiny, little problem… I have lived in Texas since 1986. My father-in-law used to own a barbeque company that shipped brisket (and other items) across the country. I am half-owner of a cattle company. I have eaten at many of the state’s best recognized barbeque joints. (I was just at Cooper’s in Llano a few weeks ago.) I would immediately be disowned and alienated from my husband’s family if they read what I wrote. They believe brisket is king and continue to serve it every chance they get.

I do like the flavoring Mesquite offers when an item is cooked. I just don’t want the brisket. I love chicken, turkey or pork cooked this way, i.e. Cooper’s pork chop that resembles one of Fred Flinstone’s culinary choices.
Pulled pork with that wonderful vinegar sauce is what barbeque was created for. I have asked for it as a Christmas gift and continue to obsess over it. I love it from the well-known places and from the dives found on rural highways. There is a place that used to be in Nashville (maybe it still is) that had a vinegar-based sauce that could be considered a cocktail. Too incredible for words.

As for the “king of the wild frontier,” I imagine once he got to Texas, he was kicking himself for leaving behind the real barbeque and, oh, that other thing…

So, again, thank you for your offer. I really do mean that. I just don’t know how in the world my opinion could be swayed. Brisket may taste good, but I just don’t think you can call it barbeque.

Denise aka Woody’s BFF as of today
 

Cooper's is one of my favorites, despite the... less than warm reception my wife received the last time we went (long story short: she is Mexican, but looks vaguely Arabic, and was told that she was a terrorist and to leave the country). Hard Eight in Brady, however, is my absolute favorite cowboy cooked barbecue. I've modified my own smoker so that I can cook cowboy style I miss it so much, living down on the border as I do.
 

Truce! Truce! How about Denise sells beef to Lane, who makes BBQ, and gives it to RRL?
 

We should have a Razor Barbecue Meet 'n Greet. I'll hide behind a smoker because despite how much I write I really am quite shy.
 

Virginia barbecue is all about the slow. It just slows the world down, which can be a good thing. It seems so anti-barbecue to see people in a DRIVE-THROUGH line to get barbecue at Rudy's in Waco.
 

Lane,
I was going to suggest a "smoke off" and let the crowd determine the winner. That could be fun!
As for Cooper's attitude towards your wife, I will now gladly drive by and not eat there again. (I will drive through Llano on Friday and Saturday.) Boo to them for that.
BTW, I am so hungry right now, I could eat a raccoon with vinegar-based sauce! Just kidding - I have never and will never eat such a darling little critter. Though, my grandfather loved squirrel brains and scrambled eggs...
Denise
 

Rudy's is the McDonald's of barbecue. Serviceable in its own way, but a far cry from the true thing.

Surprisingly, the best Wacoan barbecue is still Vitek's, with Tony De Maria's following close behind.

And please, still stop at Cooper's. It was not the management that said it, but an apparently disgruntled customer that said it as he walked by us on his way out. We didn't bring it up to the management, who probably would've been horrified, because we just found the whole thing funny at the time. We felt like correcting him, "Excuse me, sir, but if you must be racist, I demand that you use the proper ethnic slur for my wife. Bigotry is one thing, but basic mistakes of fact I will not stand for."
 

Prof. Osler--

You're new to the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, so let me tell you about the barbecue options here. The meat is either:

-Pork
-Beef
-or Walleye

The sauce is either:

-Made in-restaurant (this is at the few "authentic" barbecue places, least common)
-KC Masterpiece and the like (somewhat common)
-Ketchup (spices optional; most common)


Of course, this is from a place where walleye Benedict is a breakfast item...
 

Old family cajun recipe: after removing coon from oven, drag down to bayou and let gators eat the greasy, nasty thing and you go down to the nearest store for some shrimp and crawfish.
 

I think the recipe sounds pretty good, actually. Would it work with opossum?
 

Can we maybe eat a less cute raccoon than the one in the photo?
 

Fascists don't have to grow up in Mesquite, Texas sir. I tend to fall on the side of those who work hard for what they get rather than having it served to them drenched in something "considered to be a cocktail."

While Lane may try to hijack the brisket into something proletarian, i view it as the product of self-sufficient capitalism. He is right about the need to slow cook meat to tenderize it without drenching it in sauce. That was necessary because the hard working people of Texas needed to ya know...actually work while their meals were being prepared. Their meals came from their land/cattle and meant that these people didn't waste what others produced. The food needed to last more than a day and feed a hoard of hungry people who actually had a hand in making it at minimal cost. Capitalism!

Suprisingly enough, Polish and Southern cooking are very similar, especially when it comes to processes in cooking various meats.

However, Texas barbecue is something different, something new, something born out of necessity and yet delighfully tasty. when y'all argue whether it constitutes "barbecue", you miss the point, which is that it just tastes better than the crap from up North. Even those in New York apparently flock to our brand (which explains Lane's love affair)

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/travel/thisweek/stories/071110dnenthillcountry.1dd0758.html

RRL, I'll even say that, in this case, smoking is boss.

Light the fire, throw on the mesquite wood, hang a dead cow inside an old oil drum, go to work, and when you return enjoy the culmination of all your hard work!
 

 

Sorry, I couldn't figure out how to make the link work, but it's a story on a place called hill county barbecue in NYC that is apparently well received.
 

Sir, if you mean to insinuate that I am a New Yorker, we've got (ahem) beef.

I was born and raised in the harsh and unforgiving oil fields of the Permian Basin, which are as Texan as Texan can get.