Osler's Razor

BP.

No, but seriously, as far as external threats go, there really aren't any. Maybe Russia in its hey day could have posed a military threat to us, but no one else could. Foreign terrorism, on a macro scale, is frightening, but does not pose a real threat to us.

Mimes, on the other hand, are as freaky as clowns, and silent, so you can't hear 'em sneak up on you.

No, our biggest threats are all internal. That is the course of empire; to decay from within, and only when there's nothing left to repel them do the barbarians gather at the gates.
 

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clearly aliens. or the UN, or FEMA, if you listen this guy Alex Jones. I stumbled upon his blog via the Drudge Report (no wonder), and man...you guys think the Tea Party folks have a few screws loose...
 

I agree with Lane that our biggest problems are internal, but of external threats, the biggest is belligerent nations with nuclear programs: North Korea and Iran.
 

Mimes.

And those guys who try to wash your windows then demand money for it while you're parked at an intersection.
 

Arizona loses in federal court on a Wednesday and I am stuck debating the threat that mimes pose to our nation on Political Mayhem Thursday. Fail.

I do wonder if barbarian mimes dispatched by the UN to gather at the gates will even get noticed, or will they be stuck washing the windows of cars passing through the gates, leaving them to mime demands for money to fund back-channel tea party opposition to Iran and North Korea?
 

If our biggest threats are impoverished third-world nations lead by eccentric dictators, we're good. No, really. Let's say Iran or North Korea get a fully-functioning nuclear warhead delivered today. How are they going to get it here?

Even assuming someone supplies them with an ICBM capable of targeting anyone not immediately outside their borders, their strategic value is limited. The USSR posed a valid nuclear threat because they could lob enough nukes at us to decimate the country. A single nuclear attack, while tragic, is suicide for these nations. Our retaliation would be swift and merciless, and even crazy, eccentric dictators care enough about self-preservation to avoid that.

Also, Alex Jones is the world's greatest charlatan. For the past eight years he protested the Bush administration, pushed "truther" nonsense, and pandered to the Austin progressive/anarchist/libertarian segments as an anti-Bush crusader. Change of power, change of tone. The guy makes money as a professional rabble-rouser. He'd say his own mother was in league with the Lizard People if he thought it would make people buy a direct-to-DVD "documentary" about how the One World Goverment is being funded by the Old European nobility.
 

Definitely mimes. I saw Marcel Marceau in high school in 1984 and have never recovered.
 

Lane, I agree that "impoverished third-world nations lead by eccentric dictators" are not a direct threat to our national sovereignty. They are, however, a threat to our individual safety. As we all know, a long range missile is not the only way to deliver a nuclear device. While the surface detonation of a suitcase bomb might only kill 10,000 and expose 50,000 to high-level ionizing radiation, it is not something we can casually ignore. Even worse, imagine the prospect of an atmospheric nuclear attack on Israel. Such an act will pull the U.S. into yet another 10 year war with half (or more) of the Middle East. We and our allies (an ever dwindling list) would undoubtedly defeat the military power of any of those nations, but we would also breed another generation of 3rd world, anti-American dictators.
External threats aside, I’m curious to hear opinions on these “internal threats”. Certainly Rome was defeated from within, but what will finally topple the military-industrial imperialist American machine? Will politics shape the way we perceive internal threats to our survival?
 

I'm with CTL. It won't take much for whackjob to set off a nasty little nuke in a major U.S. City or port.

And yes, if Israel, or Taiwan finds itself threatened or involved in a existential dispute, it could be a big problem for us.

I don't see illegal immigrants as a threat, but I do see our inability to deal with the issue as a symptom of our internal problems.
 

I'd have to say that domestic ninjas are a far greater threat than mimes-- http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm

however, based on the picture, i'd have to say that IPLawguy might be our nation's greatest threat. I'm sure if you asked W&M's vp for student life and homecoming floats circa 1980, he'd agree.
 

A list of threats to America:

Justin Bieber. And before you say, "oh, he isn't a foreign threat," check your facts. That boy is Canadian.

The Twilight movies - we may not see the effects of this for a few more years, but I have to believe these movies are making everyone between the ages of 10 and 22 infinitely more stupid.

Apple - just imagine, an army of hipsters, driving around in armored Prius', listening to Belle & Sebastian, wearing Buddy Holly glasses, enraged that the new IPhone 10gs9er, or whatever, occasionally drops a call. Such a force would be nearly unstoppable with rage. Of course, they are easily defeated by handing them all a copy of a new David Sedaris book that they must immediately read so they can tell their friends how, "he isn't as good as he used to be back when he was less popular."

Al Gore - I'm just saying, apparently he can morph into a "Crazed Sex Poodle", and that can't be good for anyone.

The Situation - I speak of course of the Situation from the Jersey Shore (which starts season 2 tonight). I think he may be both the greatest culmination of American culture as well as the beginning of the end. You may not believe me now, but we will see who is laughing when we are all placed in camps and forced to do gym, tanning, laundry all day and dance to techno trance music all night in ridiculously tight black shirts. You'll see!!
 

I don't know about threats to America, but I always look out for grenades when I'm in the hot tub. **fist pumping**
 

RRL, I must disagree.

Justin Bieber and the Twilight... stuff... while certainly of unflinching and uncompromising evil the likes of which the world has rarely seen, are far too weak and flighty to be any true threat to America. To good taste, certainly, but not to America. We may haver fallen, but not to the levels where Justin Bieber poses a threat.

I can also assure you, that, as a former employee of Apple Computers, Inc., in their "Mac Genius" program, that the people you describe are held in extreme contempt by the company itself, and mercilessly made fun of in the breakroom. These are not the foot soldiers of the Apple army. Those are android clone troopers wearing glossy black body armor and have no buttons.

"The Situation" and his minions, however, are a true and lasting threat to both sanity and the American Republic. For good measure, New Jersey should be ceded back to Britain, and some sort of large barricade erected. We can then dump in tubs and tubs of self-tanning lotion and hair gel, and things ought to sort themselves out pretty quickly.
 

China, because the fact that they've been buying up our debt means they've got us by the short ones.

After that, Radical Islam, because the poverty in predominantly-Muslim nations continues to provide fertile ground for finding recruits.