Osler's Razor

Last week I got to witness the bizarre event that is Captain E.O., a "4-D" film from 1986 that Disneyland has resuscitated in the wake of the death of its star, Michael Jackson.

In short, George Lucas made the film using leftover parts and costumes from Star Wars and a 3-D camera from another project. In a nutshell, here is the incredibly stupid plot:

Michael Jackson stars as the commander of a spacecraft which is supposed to deliver a "gift" to the evil queen (Anjelica Huston). His crew is composed of doofy puppets, including conjoined chickens (really) and an elephant-type thing that can play its trunk like a flute. Oh, and... a robot with a mustache who can transform into a drum set (seriously, people, why would a robot need a mustache?). As you might imagine, MJ is not a very commanding commander, and mostly just giggles at the antics of his wholly incompetent crew.

Not surprisingly, his spaceship crashes. Surprisingly, however, it crashes at the palace of the evil queen. He then confronts and defeats her, using his secret power: He can convert her warriors into 1980's-stereotype backup dancers using orbs of light that shoot from his hands. Moonwalking ensues.

It was horrible. Beyond bad. I wanted to see it again and again.