Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Mrs. CL needs an intern!
Lately, Mrs. Celebrity Luvr has been agitating on the Razor for an intern of her own (apparently, Mr. CL has several at any given time). That's Mrs. CL pictured above, with two unidentified individuals. From what I gather, the intern's responsibilities will include some or all of the following:
1) Laundry
2) Accompanying Mrs. CL to the Ridgewood pool, and making sure that she is well provided for in all aspects of her pool experience
3) Shooing the paparazzi
4) Ensuring that celebrity news freely flows to and from the CL household.
Mrs. CL, is there anything I missed?
Comments:
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I'd like the job, and I'm well-qualified: since I lost my job, I've spent most of my time doing laundry, hanging around the pool, and watching The Soup.
Jessica and B,
Thank you for applying for Mrs. CL's intern position. Jessica, I feel it is fair compensation for the upcoming nuptials celebration in New York.
I keep my white t-shirts folded in department store style in the second drawer of my dresser. Mrs. CL can explain the remainder of my laundry preferences.
A strong sense of humor and spontaneity are critical to this position. Margaritas are made with an agave tequila, the orange liquor of your preference, fresh squeezed lime juice and no sweet and sour. Mrs. CL salted, Mr. CL no salt (I'm older and have blood pressure concerns).
We subscribe to Life & Style, In Touch, O.K., US, and expect oral summaries of these issues as well as tweets of breaking news on Perez and TMZ.
We have a tremendous problem with local paparazzi and are frustrated with our frequent appearances both photographically and in print with all local media. We are concerned with over exposure and your duty is to protect the CL brand at all cost.
Compensation is essentially the privilege of learning from the masters and then we expect you to "pay it forward." All my best,
Mr. CL
P.S. Also, I get priority over Mrs. CL on all requests even though you are "her intern" because of the havoc I can potentially create in your lives. Act like Mrs. CL is the boss and we'll all be fine. Treat me like dirt in her presence and we'll have her fooled.
P.P.S. After writing the P.S. and I suddenly turn up deceased, please request an autopsy to ascertain whether foul play is involved. Have that guy from SNL who parodies the guy on Dateline interview Mrs. CL and have him say, "Oh my . . ." frequently to get a confession in admissible form as to her anticipated participation in my untimely demise. Then, see what you can do about getting some federal building named after me. Thanks!
Mr. CL
Thank you for applying for Mrs. CL's intern position. Jessica, I feel it is fair compensation for the upcoming nuptials celebration in New York.
I keep my white t-shirts folded in department store style in the second drawer of my dresser. Mrs. CL can explain the remainder of my laundry preferences.
A strong sense of humor and spontaneity are critical to this position. Margaritas are made with an agave tequila, the orange liquor of your preference, fresh squeezed lime juice and no sweet and sour. Mrs. CL salted, Mr. CL no salt (I'm older and have blood pressure concerns).
We subscribe to Life & Style, In Touch, O.K., US, and expect oral summaries of these issues as well as tweets of breaking news on Perez and TMZ.
We have a tremendous problem with local paparazzi and are frustrated with our frequent appearances both photographically and in print with all local media. We are concerned with over exposure and your duty is to protect the CL brand at all cost.
Compensation is essentially the privilege of learning from the masters and then we expect you to "pay it forward." All my best,
Mr. CL
P.S. Also, I get priority over Mrs. CL on all requests even though you are "her intern" because of the havoc I can potentially create in your lives. Act like Mrs. CL is the boss and we'll all be fine. Treat me like dirt in her presence and we'll have her fooled.
P.P.S. After writing the P.S. and I suddenly turn up deceased, please request an autopsy to ascertain whether foul play is involved. Have that guy from SNL who parodies the guy on Dateline interview Mrs. CL and have him say, "Oh my . . ." frequently to get a confession in admissible form as to her anticipated participation in my untimely demise. Then, see what you can do about getting some federal building named after me. Thanks!
Mr. CL
# posted by 
: 1:16 AM
: 1:16 AM
I applied last year but I was turned down... something abotu how I was unwilling to wear heels to the pool.
"Have that guy from SNL who parodies the guy on Dateline interview Mrs. CL and have him say, "Oh my . . ." frequently to get a confession in admissible form as to her anticipated participation in my untimely demise...."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH You don't EVEN KNOW how funny that guy is to a person who watches as much DATELINE as I do! hahahahahahahah
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH You don't EVEN KNOW how funny that guy is to a person who watches as much DATELINE as I do! hahahahahahahah
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