Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The many mysteries of Christmas
[The photo doesn't depict my parents' house, but a house down the block which was also full of characters]
One of the things about returning to Detroit for Christmas that I always enjoy is telling the traditional Christmas stories around the fire. I know the stories pretty well, but there are often a few details near the end that stump me. Here are a few of the loose ends:
1) I remember most of the story of Frosty the Snowman, but can never remember the method the villagers use to finally kill him after his rampage.
2) The back-story on Vixen the Reindeer is a little vague, and the version I seem to recall isn't fit for mixed company. And I seem to remember that Prancer was her best friend and that he did a lot of shopping with her, but I'm not sure where that came from, either.
C) Did the defective toys from the Land of Misfit Toys ever get delivered to any kids? And if so, were they bad kids who kind of deserved to receive dangerous toys with sharp edges, lead paint, and/or possibly lethal projectiles?
4) After the Grinch destroyed Whoville, what happened to poor little Souxie Lou Who? Did she go into foster care or something?
5) What exactly are "Santa Cramps?" And why did Bob Cratchitt get them, anyways?
Any help on these matters would be greatly appreciated.
Comments:
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1. Blow torch.
2. Bad parents. Vixen actually was a stag. See Cash, Johnny, Boy Named Sue (1969).
C. Dan Akroyd delivered one bag o' glass to each kid.
4. All of the Who children were relocated to El Dorado. They were in the news recently...
5. Santa Cramps are a direct result of bad egg nog. Take two turkeys and pie and you should be fine tomorrow.
2. Bad parents. Vixen actually was a stag. See Cash, Johnny, Boy Named Sue (1969).
C. Dan Akroyd delivered one bag o' glass to each kid.
4. All of the Who children were relocated to El Dorado. They were in the news recently...
5. Santa Cramps are a direct result of bad egg nog. Take two turkeys and pie and you should be fine tomorrow.
# posted by 
: 7:32 AM
: 7:32 AM
Frosty - didn't they turn the heat on in the green house. And I think it was one mean old guy.
Don't remember the rest.
What beautiful snow. I love how the Village waits to plow the snow on some of the streets.
And I can attest that the photo is not of the Prof's childhood home. But this home did have a talking porch and those old gurgling radiators.
Don't remember the rest.
What beautiful snow. I love how the Village waits to plow the snow on some of the streets.
And I can attest that the photo is not of the Prof's childhood home. But this home did have a talking porch and those old gurgling radiators.
And why is Jack Frost roasting on an open fire?
Bob
P.S. Funny stuff, Mark ... although I detected a couple bits of "Pootie Wisdom" on a couple of them ...
Bob
P.S. Funny stuff, Mark ... although I detected a couple bits of "Pootie Wisdom" on a couple of them ...
# posted by : 9:23 AM
: 9:23 AM
They stabbed Frosty through the heart with an icicle. Everybody knows that!
Also, why doesn't Santa outsource the elves so that they can work from where they came from? also, where do the elves come from? Is illegal immigration involved?
Also, why doesn't Santa outsource the elves so that they can work from where they came from? also, where do the elves come from? Is illegal immigration involved?
And I heard the Grinch himself got shot by the police at night because he was messing with the cable.
Having now read "The Polar Express" outloud at least 25 times in the last two weeks, I have many questions about a train that apparently does not run on a track.
Having now read "The Polar Express" outloud at least 25 times in the last two weeks, I have many questions about a train that apparently does not run on a track.
# posted by : 11:53 AM
: 11:53 AM
Now, Now Micah - such a brutal death for Frosty. Is this a mutant version for a GameBoy?
No need to outsource the elves. They live and work at Santa's workshop, somewhere north of the Osler Island. They don't have any labor laws and they get free room and board for their efforts.
No need to outsource the elves. They live and work at Santa's workshop, somewhere north of the Osler Island. They don't have any labor laws and they get free room and board for their efforts.
Last night we were cold so Spencer and I read The Jungle Book. That is a scary book you know that?
What really happened in WHO-ville was NOT that the kids got sent to El Dorado.. They WHOs actually ran the Grinch out of town for good. He is now in Oregon working as a subcontractor for the phone co.
What really happened in WHO-ville was NOT that the kids got sent to El Dorado.. They WHOs actually ran the Grinch out of town for good. He is now in Oregon working as a subcontractor for the phone co.
Just quickly . . I detect a distinct political bent to these endings, especially the last two . . . more later . . . especially on Santa Cramps. My childhood was sorely missing these stories . . .
# posted by : 5:17 PM
: 5:17 PM
See, Micah obviously gets the political undertones, outsourcing the elves and illegal immigrants. . . I mean, kids ending up in foster care? Kids damaged by lead paint and dangerous toys? I detect a baldfaced liberal agenda in these story-endings!
Any mention of cramps must be a subtle feminist reference, of course. That story was written by a misogynist man who is implying that Santa, and therefore Bob Cratchitt, is lessened in stature because he got a female-sounding "cramp" in his . . . whatever . . .
Any mention of cramps must be a subtle feminist reference, of course. That story was written by a misogynist man who is implying that Santa, and therefore Bob Cratchitt, is lessened in stature because he got a female-sounding "cramp" in his . . . whatever . . .
# posted by : 12:03 AM
: 12:03 AM
And I'm not going anywhere near that Vixen and Prancer story . . . please . . .
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# posted by : 12:03 AM
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