Sunday, December 09, 2007

 

Razor holiday shopping guide item three: Win Everything Elite Troops!


Do you have a kid who loves violence, war, petroleum products, China, and winning at any expense? If so, The Razor suggests you (carefully) place some Win Everything Elite Troops under the tree with that kid's name on it. Here is the near-perfect description of Win Everything Elite Troops I cribbed from The newspaper:

Half the fun of our annual look at the cheapest in cheap toys is the search for the most appallingly broken English instructions on all the cheap Chinese knock-offs. This year's winner (though according to the label, it was "Made in Chane") is certainly Win Everything Elite Troops, an enthusiastic plastic soldier foursome apparently meant to represent the American ideals of uncompromising combat victory (win everything!) and multicultural acceptance. "Top maintenance peace!" the package proclaims. "Come to own it together!" Apparently maintenance of peace is hazardous, though—one of these soldiers has a clumsy eyepatch, the black soldier's blackness seems to have melted off his inner arms and onto his clothes, and a third soldier's face is distinctly lopsided and smeary. They may be dangerous to kids, too, given the box suggestion: "When child play the toy, suggestion contain adult beside."

# posted by Mark Osler @ 9:15 PM
Comments:
Hey, you took the good part out!

George H.W. Bush had a kid like that, but he gave him the presidency instead of Win Everything Elite Troops. If only...
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:49 PM
 
Well, not everything is a Puffalump.
# posted by Blogger Coco : 11:48 AM
 
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