Osler's Razor

Professor Osler: I recently heard the song "We Didn't Start the Fire" by William Joel on the oldies station, and it referred to the "Cola Wars." What were the Cola Wars? Did you fight in them? Signed-- Frostie

Dear Frostie--
What an intriguing question! I did not fight in the Cola Wars, though Prof. Bates did, on the side of Pepsi. The whole thing started in 1964 when Coca-Cola announced it was coming out with "New Coke," which was going to re-introduce cocaine as an ingredient in the product. Pepsi, realizing this could have a harsh negative effect on its business, organized an army and marched on Coke headquarters in Atlanta. Both sides looked to other parts of industry for leadership-- Coke hired General Mills, a cereal magnate, to lead its armies. In response, Pepsi hired both General Motors and Colonel Sanders to develop its strategies. In the end, Pepsi's attack was blunted by a moat of Sprite, which at that time was petroleum-based and highly flammable. Though there were 9,100 casualties, a worse calamity was avoided when a truce was mediated by Dr. Thaddeus Pepper of Waco. As part of the truce, Coca-Cola agreed to withdraw New Coke from the market.