Osler's Razor

Message to Tyd: The Spanish Inquisition wants its dog back. We were wondering where it had gone. Have you thought of calling Osler?
 

Did Spencer steal that thing off the backlot where they were shooting "The Sandlot"?

If James Earl Jones is just out of the corner of the photo, I'm not saying that Spencer is in trouble, but he might want to return it to the proper authorities.
 

It looks like Tyd's dog is hooked up with Barry Bonds steroids connection. I'm sure his name is "Balco."
 

I think Balco the Steroid Pup ate Donut. Maybe more than one...
 

Tyd, that poor puppy needs a heated, humidity controlled, fully tiled, fully stocked with organic doggy cuisine (hello minibar, bottled toilet water!!) dog-chateau. It is his right and after Canby telephone displaced him, we should contact PETA to do a full-color ad campaign in his support. Jenny McCarthy Beagle has committed to appearing nude, so that should bring in some change. A calendar, perhaps?

And I love the ideas for the new Taj Habib!
 

I love that you made a reference to So, I Married an Axe Murderer. Excellent film.
 

The dog is a legend. Right now he is a Speed Bump and weighs 140 lbs, and he actually slept thru the blast.

If a burglar came in Riley would be Like "YEAH whatever take some stuff... YA GOT ANY FOOD? Huh?"


We got Riley after our previous dog, a goofy sweet black lab named BANJO was killed when she was hit by a car outside of our shop. We were devastated and swore we would never have another dog. That lasted eight days and soon we were at NARF Rescue looking for another dog. There was one dog we went to look at named SCOUT - a well behaved, well trained three year old golden Lab that was owned by two chiropractors that did not have time for the dog.

We went there to look at Scout. But when we got there we found that we had gone to the wrong location and that is where we met DONALD. He was pathetic looking nutty dog, and they name all of the dogs at this rescue place just temporarily. This poor creature had been named DONALD. He was a four month old weird looking dog that was half bald and really friendly.

He was the strangest most insane looking dog we had ever seen and he just sort of hunted me down he was like “HEY! PICK ME! PICK ME OK? OK? PICK ME! HEY HEY!!! PICK ME!!!! THESE OTHER DOGS are LOSERS…PICK ME OK?”

They told us he was a Lab Mix and we took him home. We named him RILEY because that is BB King’s middle name. And also because Bill did not like the names REGIS or NIGEL. Then the weird things started happening. He was pretty mellow, except when the doorbell would ring or anyone would knock. He would go INSANE and jump up high in the air and bark. We spent like 23 hours a day at the guitar store and shop, so we had a lot of visitors and everyone got used to him. The UPS guy taught him to SIT!!!! He would bring him a cookie every day.

We took him to the dog park constantly and everyone would politely ask…..” Uhmmmm so uh… what kind of dog is that????” We were like
“Lab Mix, I dunno.”

THEN one day they had a doggie fair at this one pet store - bring your dog etc they have picture taking., free doggie ice cream samples of stuff we had NO LIFE back then no kids just the shop and the dog and that was it. The dog went everywhere with us. We took him to the dirve in move every weekend the triple feature. He would lay in the back seat and just sleep and snore loudly and fart. We even put the dog in Doggie DAY CARE twice a week.

So we went to this pet fair, and there was this woman there who was giving free nail trimming to each dog.. We got Riley’s done, and she says to us, “OH I HAVE NEVER SEEN one of these in person before!!!!” And we were like “ONE of WHAT?????”
And she says “A LOUISIANA CATAHOULA LEOPARD DOG.”


HUH???????? Yeah, she shows us this article in DOG MAGAZINE or something and it is all about these crazy dogs.. Apparently they are the state dog of Louisiana, and they herd wild boar, and actually EAT Alligators and crocodiles. All we knew was that this dog was crazy. If he ever heard any crinkling plastic??? Like a grocery bag or even opening a mint or something? he would go INSANE barking, Leap into the air like a cat and once ate half a Frisbee. We went thru like 20 leashes. HE ONCE ATE ONE OF THOSE SELF WATERER THINGS… HE ATE NINE SEATBELTS IN FOUR DIFFERENT CARS INCLUDING ONE RENTAL. He would eat socks, and guitar parts and his favorite toy was an empty two liter bottle of soda. He was INSANE!!!

One time We got back to the car and he had found half a bottle of Darvocet that I was given when I had sprained my foot or something I guess it fell out of my bag or something. The bottle was all chewed and we totally had to make him barf. Bill stayed up all night with the dog making him drink soapy water and hydrogen peroxide to make him throw up.;. When he finally did, out came not only the Darvocet, but also some screws, a couple of paperclips, and pieces of carpeting.

After that we started calling him GOAT BOY.
All of our customers loved him and he just slept like a speedbump in front of the shop and IN the shop when all these guys would come and hang out for hours. Every Saturday AM at the shop like 15 guys would always come and stay all day and play and try stuff out and just hang out. I liked them all but they annoyed the hell out of me with their loud playing of bad versions of Smoke on the Water ALLLL day long. I HATED Saturdays at the shop. I just hid back in my office a former case room and did my homework and stuff. I called them THE Saturday Club., They all loved Riley. The funny thing also about that dog was you could play as LOUD as you wanted on a guitar and he would sleep soundly with his head leaning against the blaring amp. He was INSANE.


When Bill had his Blues Band with like 6 other guys, he decided to name it the Catahoula Blues Band because he had named some Pickups he made after Banjo and Riley needed something named after him too. Then he was trying to think of a new name for this Strat he was making, a new model. I jokingly said Why don’t you call it the STRATAHOULA after Riley… IT WAS A JOKE!!!!! But now pretty much the entire Saturday Club owns one.

When I was pregnant with Spencer Riley was very protective of me, and everyone I mean EVERYONE was worried that he would eat the baby I mean he LOOKS Scary!! He has this bizarre coloring and these yellow eyes. Bill calls him CUJO and SATAN’ SPOOCH and MEPHISTOPHOFLEAS get it? Fleas? Anyway. He did not eat the baby he LOVED the baby and was very very protective of him. When Spencer doodle first came home, he did not sleep thru the night, and everytime he would wake up and cry Riley would Bark to wake us up… like “HEY!!! HE”S UP!!! GET UP!!!! GET UP!!! HE IS CRYING YOU IDIOTS!! GET UP!!!!

As Spencer grew he just loved the dog. I cannot even tell you how many times we have found Spencer asleep on the couch next to the dog. The dog loved Spencer not only because they were pals but because Spencer, from the day he could eat baby food, never minded that Riley would come and lick all the extra food off of him. Spencer laughed so hard when Riley would do this and of course anything that landed on the floor Riley conveniently cleaned up. So MANY times we have told Spencer to PLEASE not feed the dog but I swear that ship has sailed. The dog is HUGE and he eats everything PB Sandwiches, popcorn, he loves any garbage and occasionally dog food as a last resort. I am guilty of giving him non dog food too, but I try to keep it healthy. Last night I fed him leftover Asparagus and I guess he farted all day today. Bill got mad at me.

It is NOT GOOD and Riley had bad hips from day one, and now he has like a couple of bumps that could be tumors. It is almost time for Riley to go to that big dog bed in the sky because we do not want him to be in pain. We discussed it a LOT before the house blew up…. BUT Spencer is SOOOO attached to him. And also Spencer just lost his house HE cannot now lose his dog too… that would be just terrible. We put him on a diet like the vet said of green beans… and other stuff….

The dog is insane. There is a picture on Bill’s website under The BAND section I think of Riley’s face. www.chapinguitars.com He is one crazy dawg. I think I can send it to Osler and you can see it. That dawg is crazy.
 

OK the pic of the dog in under the SOUND SAMPLES link on the website.

I have a larger version of it SOMEWHERE though, maybe not now....

http://www.chapinguitars.com/sounds_index.html
 

to learn more about these insane dogs....

see WHAT IS A CATAHOULA????

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Fields/2495/info.html
 

Oh man, I am in trouble now. Iplawife wants a dog ... bad. After reading this there's no way I can stop her.
 

OMG the maybe the biggest laugh I have ever had was when our friend Tim. a great musician with a great sense of humpor came over and brought us a present. it was a children's book called Walter the Farting Dog.. and I SWEAR TO GAWD that dog looks EXACTLY like Riley. I think I can find a link to the book so you can see Walter.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?z=y&EAN=9781583940532&itm=1

SO Iplaw is getting a dog... Hmm. Well. I would not reccommend a Catahoula seriouly they are NUTS.. Labs are great with kids.. but if they are puppies they will eat every single pair of shoes you have.

I want a SMALL dog next time maybe a pug. I once knew these two guys from the dog park... They were gay and partners or whatever and they had two basset hounds...they were really nice dogs.. Unfortunately they were named Judy and Merman.... after Ethel and Garland. They were really nice dogs too, but they howl a lot.

I am sorry that your wife now wants a dog and you did not.... Having a dog can be fun and kids love dogs Just make sure to get one that is compatible with your family. And maybe one that does not eat Darvocet.
 

Oh and one other thing...

they stopped delivering maiol to the shop and we had to get a PO Box because of Riley. When the mail guy would come, the front doorwould be locked but he would stick the mail int he slot RIley would be on the other end, using our bills and catalogs to play a friendly came of Tug OF War with the mailman.
THe mailman was this Asian guy seemed to be pretty nice and for some reason all of the mailpeople in San jose wear these white Pith helmets.

This guy grew to hate us, and every day I mean like EVERY SINGLE DAY all he would ever say to us, in his white hat, with his heavy Asian accent was..."SUBSTITUTE MAILMAN WILL NOT COME HERE!!!"

To this day all I have to do to crack up Bill is say "SUBSTITUTE MAILMAN WILL NOT COME HERE."
 

No, No! I like dogs! And Dogs like me. But we have three cats and a 6 month old. and no fence.

We have blended family. I brought my male and female cats and Iplawife brought her male. He is afraid/freaked out by me. And my female is afraid/freaked out by him. She goes outside and stays away for days.

My male has no issues with anyone. He just wants food.

Who knows how any of them would react to another animal!

Iplawife had a Golden that she loved. But big dogs need to run! Or at least walk.

And little dogs are hyper and irritating. We need a nice mellow midsize dog. Or a puppy that will turn into a nice mellow midsize dog.
 

Tyd,

I cannot stop laughing about this:

"HE ONCE ATE ONE OF THOSE SELF WATERER THINGS… HE ATE NINE SEATBELTS IN FOUR DIFFERENT CARS INCLUDING ONE RENTAL."

How did you explain that to the rental car company?

Oh, my sides hurt...