I missed haiku Friday. I'll be honest-- I made up a few even when I was unable to access the internet. Here are this week's suggested (but not mandatory) themes:
1) Elaine from Seinfeld
2) Buying textbooks
3) The weird emotional last-day walkout
4) The outhouse
5) The end of summer
6) Baylor Football
7) Barry Bonds
8) Rerun from "What's Happening"
9) Jimmy Walker in 2007
10) Mr. CL, Househusband
Here is mine:
Get Out! she yelled
Pushing Kramer with both hands;
1991.
Gorble head doofus guy
ReplyDeleteRan me off the road tonight
Of course, a Chevy.
You know, Osler we HAD Haiku Friday when you were gone... in your honor. Last week when we still all thought you were in Cuba... on my Fake "BLOG WHILE OSLER IS GONE" called "Boogie Ate Donut."
ReplyDeleteIt was because we missed you. ANYWAY we made the rule that the judges would be the winners fromt he previous week.... and since Swiss Girl picked these two.. I was wondering if THEY could judge the winners on your blog this week only? SwissGirl picked IPLAW and Ginger Hunter.
Swissgirl said...
Okay, my winners are:
IPLawguy for the corniest joke. I mean, that mathematician joke is so bad it's hardly even there!
And for best haiku, I've gotta give it to Ginger Hunter for that image of Osler behind Ray-Bans in smoky Cuba. I imagine music in the background, and a big faded 2-tone Chevy convertible driving by . . . anyway, congratulations!
You don't HAVE to do it, but we DID all miss you a LOT.
My haiku for this week:
Spencer got his cast.
Osler's back. Dog ate phone cord.
Back to normal now.
Now if only I
could find out what corn cannon
is, that would be good.
Thanks to all of you
who read my fake blog. Thank good-
ness he is back now.
Must have corn cannon
ReplyDeleteCould be like potato gun
Blasting vegtables!
Up too late again
Plans for morning run on shelf
I am getting fat
My judging will be limited to corny jokes, thank you. So include a corny joke if you want me to sit in judgment.
Here's mine:
What's worse than a worm in an ear of corn? (or apple)
Half a worm!
Oh yes, on topic:
ReplyDeleteDespite Barry Bonds
the Giants stink. Even so,
they have Jon Miller
IPLG, you know my comment about your corniest joke was a COMPLIMENT! And you write good haiku, too. The judging thing--is so arbitrary, you know?
ReplyDeleteLast day of summer
ReplyDeleteMeans there's a first day of school;
My first week's okay--
Swiss-style: barbecue
Outdoors, for Friday lunch, with
Bratwurst, meats, wine, beer.
Not so bad, huh? Now
I'm post-lunch, cramming coffee,
What's my job, again?
Hand out syllabus
ReplyDeleteMumble and wander around
Try that now, Osler!
Corny jokes, bad puns
ReplyDeleteweak similes, metaphors
Word play makes me laugh
SG, I took it as compliment! Thanks
So where's your corny joke?
Buying my law books
ReplyDeletePainful! $400
Flies from my pocket.
Hey, Baylor QB--
ReplyDeleteNot you, the other one... no, him...
Oh, just forget it.
Back to School is here!
ReplyDeleteBut no backpack shall I wear,
"Summer" is over.
After summer comes
ReplyDeleteSchool, Soccer, Girl Scouts, Play Dates.
Wife is a taxi.
Okay, my corny joke: How many Swiss does it take to change a light bulb?
ReplyDeleteOne to clean the socket, one to direct the bulb-screwer to turn the bulb CLOCKWISE, one to hold the ladder, one to screw in the bulb, and one to make sure that no one makes any NOISE while the bulb is being screwed in. And then you'll need an exact replica of those 5 people to do the exact same thing on another bulb, because they ALWAYS have a backup.
Ahem. I made that one up. I only know like one joke and I've already told it twice.
cicadas silenced
ReplyDeletegood riddance to the summer
bad things, man, bad things
After summer comes
ReplyDeleteNigeria, Angola.
Job is damgerous.
The new iMac is
ReplyDeleteso amazingly awesome,
wimpy Bill Gates, run!
I object yells child
ReplyDeleteCleaning room violates rights
Overruled. Do it.
Here's my corny joke:
ReplyDeleteHow many UVA students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but she gets three credits.
Actually, it takes two UVa students to change a lightbulb. Someone has to hold the drinks
ReplyDeleteTwo UVA guys
ReplyDeleteStand in the dark, bulb burned
They both hold a drink.
Omigod, Yiyi!
ReplyDeletePC starts in a week now
Ima gonna die.
I need to poo poo.
ReplyDeleteI can't find the outhouse, arrgh.
Oops, I crapped my pants!
Peculiar spasms
ReplyDeleteLike Seinfeld Elaine's dance moves
Football should not cramp!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm taking your bets--
ReplyDeleteWhen will Stef S. graduate?
All bets off '08.
ok and by the way?/ I NEVER DID GET that Mathematician joke...
ReplyDeleteHere it is.. see if YOU get it.. I TOTALLY don't:
OK it was not the Math one I got that one... it was this one
What do you get when you cross Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and a Chihuahua?
-- a Flying Carpet.
"Car [Space] Pet"
ReplyDeleteU.T. and Lightbulbs?
ReplyDeleteFifty one. One to change it. . . .
Fifty to protest
Lightbulbs at Baylor--
ReplyDeleteIt takes no students to change:
Just call maintenance.
Kramer was a real man
ReplyDeleteSure, kind of a strange real man,
With really bad hair.
Tyd, tyd, tyd...the joke is so simple yet so eloquent.
ReplyDeleteChitty Chitty Bang Bang was a flying car. Remember Dick Van Dyke and his fading in and out fake British accent? A chihuahua is a dog, a pet to some (like Paris Hilton). Cross the two and you get a flying carpet.
Ha! I slay me.
PC stirs my brain
ReplyDeleteI am buried in cases
Must drink more beer now!
About the joke I did not get it because I did not link the word PET with the dog.... CAR PET.. DUH.
ReplyDeleteHA!! Well I KNOW that movie... Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. When I saw it as a kid I remember it well because it scared me to death. I had nightmares for WEEKS about being locked in the jail But then BAMBI is too scary for me. Among other movies that scared me as a kid:
The Sound of Music: I was forever hiding "from the Nazis" behind the couch in the livingroom after seeing it
The Wizard of Oz: EVERY YEAR when it was on at Easter y mom would tell me I could not watch it because I would get scared of the flying monkeys and I would always say NO this year I will not be scared. And then of course I was then I would not sleep for weeks. This happened every year, until I was 29.
The same can be said for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Oddly though I saw Apocalypse Now when I was eight and the only thing I remember form it was when they cut the head off a cow. Still not as scary as the flying monkeys.
Those flying monkeys
ReplyDeleteWere led by Clinton colleague
Donna Shalala
He says "Dy-no-mite!"
ReplyDeleteAs he walks the casino
No one notices.
My half brother's wife
ReplyDeleteis pregnant. He has no clue
what he is in for....
I look forward to
giving him LOTS of ADVICE
Just like he gave me.
Here is the first one:
Hide your Palm Pilot, give up
on a clean kitchen.
He always says I
must be exaggerating.
Nope. Not once. You'll see.
High Fidelity
ReplyDeleteand Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Much better as books
better late than never
ReplyDeleteJerky contortions
limbs flying,thumbs extended
Dance...cry,cry again
plethora of puns
pounding, in rapid fire
the victims fall but,
not doubled over
by semi-automatic
Corny cannon rounds