Sunday, July 01, 2007


Help Me Out!

On Tuesday, I'm having some guests over for dinner. Because of the requirements of the National Association of Guys, of course, I'm required to grill the food outdoors if possible. I'm wondering what to make. Here are my options, with percentage of success listed:

1. Fish 90%

This works pretty well for me. I do especially well with salmon, tuna, and shark. I marinate it first in wine and a little butter and herbs.

2. Burgers 65%

I have two secrets: Only use salt and pepper, and turn the burgers only once.

3. Steaks 50%

Yeah, I'm not from Texas...

4. Chicken 30%

My problem here is the thin line between trichinosis and too dry.

5. Whole squirrels 12%

Worth a try, but a low-percentage bet.

6. Vegetables 3%

Why? Why?

Maybe try fish fly stir fry.
Slow cooked pork is your best bet.

Spread the coals around an aluminum baking pan and put about a half inch of water in the pan.

Start the the fire early in the afternoon and let it burn down well. Allow four hours for cooking.

Clean the grill well, then spray the grill liberally with PAM or store brand cooking spray.

If you have a grill with a hinge that will allow you to add coals during the next few hours, that's best. If not, have two heavy duty oven mittens available to lift the grill up and off so that you can add coals.

Put the pork leg, or side, or whichever cut, on the grill over the drip pan, not the coals. Baste with a tomato/vinegar/spice marinade every half hour. Do NOT use barbecue "sauce." Too much sugar in most sauces. Cook for 3-4 hours or until the internal temp gets to 180 degrees.

Serve beer during the process and after.

As an accompanient, on your second grill, use a special fish/vegetable cooking pan for cut up potatoes. Cut the potatoes into small cubes, cover with olive oil, sea salt, pepper and rosemary. Cook for half an hour, moving the potatoes regularly.
I have all of my grilling outsourced by the Outback. Very convenient, no scrubbing.
Fish can be a risky business, but as long as you know your guests are not repulsed by the thought of scaled food, it should be fine.
If you want to do burgers, use ground sirloin w/ garlic salt and Worchestershire sauce plus fresh cracked black pepper. You don't need much of any of them but it'll really bring out the flavor of the meat. Also, the patties brown up really well, stay juicy, and smell great. Gives you some leeway on how done you get them, too, because people won't care if it isn't perfect because they're still really tasty.

I feel your pain on the chicken, I'm always a little too done. IPlawguy's slow cooked pork sounds awsome, btw.
Shark with a little caribbean jerk for some extra kick...Mmmmmmm
Is it worth have two secrets if you only succeed 65% of the time?

The secret to making good burgers is making your own patties (with lots of worchestershire/BBQ sauce).
#3 Steak

. . . But Texas wants you anyway!

Use fork to poke holes in ribeyes. Marinate in Jack Daniels and Cavenders.
"A third of a gopher would only arouse my appettite without bedding her back down."
there is a trick to grilling chicken- cook it until it is browned off on the outside, and then put it in an aluminum pan on the grill with a little water/sauce of your choice to keep it moist- this is what we did when we had BBQ catering jobs back home.

the CL's Grilled Asparagus:

1 bunch of asparagus, trimmed
a couple of lemons, cut up
several good sized pats of butter (not margarine!)
salt & pepper

In heavy foil, place asparagus, butter,salt & pepper, squeeze lemons over all, put lemons on top, seal foil and put in grill for about 15 minutes, until asparagus is tender.

Mrs. CL's grilled Veggies

2-3 yellow squash, cut into 1 inch slices
2-3 zucchini, cut into 1 ich slices
1 box cherry tomatoes
1 large onion, cut up (the CL does not like onions, so we leave them out, but tasty, if you like onions)

1/2 bottle Italian dressing, 1/2 cup dijon mustard, a big spoonful of garlic from the jar, salt & pepper, mix all & put in giant ziplock bag with veggies, marinate for about an hour.

Dump out marinade. Skewer veggies on those stick thingys, grill 'til tender. Messy but good. Kind of like life ;)
For a real treat, go to the pet store and buy a few fat guinea pigs. Kill, skin, and roast them on a spit. They're delicious!

Don't believe me, go to
The link didn't post well. So here it is again:
I vote for Raccoon. I hate them and I hear they are good eatin'
Prof. Osler,

This has nothing to do with BBQ. But I was just looking at my geneology, and my third-great grandma's name was Sarah Ostler (a variation of Osler, and back in the 15th through 18th centuries it was common for members of the same family to spell their surnames differently). If we look far enough back, we could be related!


Ostler IS a variation of Osler, both of which come from Hostler (meaning someone who takes care of horses). There is actually a reference to leaving horses with "The Osler" in Shakespeare's "Coriolanus."
I've had the grilled fish and it is delicious. Go with the fish. Of course a couple of racks of ribs is always nice as well...
Osler where did you get that psychotic picture of that gopher woodchuck thing wearing a helmet?

I know it's after the fact, but you shoudl totally try beer butt chicken sometime. Stick the can in the bird's bottom, and voila!
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