Wednesday, July 06, 2016
A Report on the Neighbor Hater and Poopy Puppy
Last week, while driving through Wisconsin, I made a brief stop to procure a few carefully-selected fireworks. My choices were the Poopy Puppy and the Neighbor Hater, pictured above.
In short, both turned out to be exactly what one might expect.
To operate the Poopy Puppy, you light a fuse emerging beneath the tail. First sparks come out, then a flame, and then, um, well, the puppy poops. It is compelling and disturbing all at once.
The Neighbor Hater was just as true to its name, and more exciting. Before I continue I want to make clear one thing: I don't hate my neighbors, or even dislike them. They are A-Ok.
I expected the Neighbor Hater to spin around and shoot sparks and then make some loud noises. I was partly right.
Once the fuse was lit, the Neighbor Hater began to spin wildly in a circle, and then emit sparks. It was all kind of fun and delightful at that point-- a harmless display of color and light. But then it rose from the ground, turned into a fireball and shot over the trees and a fence into the neighbors yard in a high, menacing arc. It slammed into the ground next to their house, still a burning, banging ball of flame.
I had thought the Neighbor Hater was something that might annoy your neighbors, not burn their house down through a descending fireball! Maybe they should put something about that on the label...
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True, Steve... but I guess I thought it would just be a loud noise the neighbors would hate, not a mortar attack on their home.
You should have known what the logical consequences of your actions would be when you decided to light the fuse on a lethal device labeled neighbor hater. ; )
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