Osler's Razor

As the Razor's crack celebrity and crime beat reporter, I am pleased to provide
this scoop on the upcoming surrender of Paris Hilton to the Lynwood Jail in Los
Angeles, California. One of my top sources in L.A., Stavros who works at the
Malibu Blockbuster, informed me that Paris rented Ernest Goes to Jail, Chicago,
The Longest Yard and Chicken Run to get a "feel" for what prison life is truly
like. Paris' mother, Kathy Hilton, called me late Sunday evening and informed
me that rather than sending her into a black funk, these cinematic reflections
of life in the Big House actually provided Paris with reason for optimism.
Kathy informs me that Paris intends to form a Powder Puff football team ala The
Longest Yard while incarcerated at Lynwood--based on her earlier video sales she
also sees this as a financial opportunity. Paris knows Queen Latifah (aka Big
Mama in Chicago) from the club scene in LA and feels optimistic that she can
provide her protection while she is locked up. Paris, however, was devastated
to learn that Roxie Hart ended up on death row. Alternatively, Kathy tells me
that Paris analogizes herself to Ginger the Chicken from Chicken Run and
intends a daring escape from her maximum security facility. Although it is
LA,Paris has realistic doubts that she will meet a rooster large enough to help
her fly the coop.

As part of our own effort to assist Paris, Mrs. CL and I have formed a website,
www.Iam4Paris.com, where we are selling pink wrist bracelets, similar to the
Livestrong bracelet, entitled, "Free Paris." Together, we can make a
difference by raising awareness of how Paris has been unfairly singled out by
the media and legal system. Now more than ever, Paris longs for The Simple
Life.

Mr and Mrs. CL